WEST SEATTLE, Washington, December 07, 2009 (WSFB) – The cold weather that has descended upon West Seattle has become a hot topic of conversation on the streets, in the stores, and at the water coolers.

“I got on the bus today and the driver and I couldn’t get over how cold out it was,” local resident Maggie Fjorgensen said.  “Then everyone at work was talking about how freezing it was, and all of a sudden I had something in common with all kinds of people that normally don’t even look at me.”

The cold weather also has had an unusual impact for local businessman Randall McFlockerman, who found people seeking warmth in his hobby shop today.  “All these (expletive) coming into my store stealing my heat.  They don’t care about my hobby shop, bout my things. Nobody wants to buy board games or model airplanes anymore.  God damn Call of Duty 4 ruined it all, mother (expletive) Wii-box station.”

While day to day life continues amidst the dropping temperatures, the impact is much higher amongst drifters and the homeless.  Regularly scheduled homeless patrols by city officials have been halted due to “it being really fucking cold outside”, leaving the homeless to light each other on fire for warmth.  Drifters have found themselves knifing people more as well, mostly when they come across someone in a dark alley with a coat warmer than their own.  They then also typically steal the unlucky victim’s wallet and drift into the next unsuspecting town, usually by hitchhiking.

Though dogs are not as affected by the cold as much as humans are, many of their owners do decide to dress their dogs up in ridiculous garb in attempts to keep them warm, effectively embarrassing the canine to the point of actual physical pain for the animal.

“My poopie loves his doggie sweater,” West Seattlite Old Lady Henderson told the WSFB.  “He wuvs it, yes he does,” Henderson said while holding her Saint Bernard, who could visibly be seen sweating, a lot.

However, please do keep your dog warm this winter.  And maybe your cat too, even though he’s a little bastard.

Local pimp “Golden Archie” told the WSFB that he recently had to switch from spending nights with his “warm weather ho” to his “cold weather ho”, forcing him to drive an extra three miles each night.

Local officials meanwhile have made a push to remind residents of the importance of staying warm as the cold weather hangs around West Seattle.  A recently distributed newsletter urges residents to remember the following top 5 tips for staying warm and safe this Winter:

1. Put clothes on.  If the amount of clothing you have on is not working put more on.

2. Black ice is everywhere.

3. Drink water and hot shit.

4. Don’t be dumb.  The oven is not the kitchen heater.  The BBQ grill is not the outside heater.  Your hair dryer, curling iron and a towel do not make a very safe homemade electric blanket.

5. Stop talking about how cold out it is, you’re annoying everyone you say this to.

Above all remember that the best way to stay warm this winter is to funblog, especially with the WSFB.