"Bald Spot Alert!!!!" - Takeru Watarai
Tokyo, Japan, July 13, 2010 (WSFB) – For Takeru Watarai, saying “Eat this bitches” comes across despite any language barrier. All he has to do is put the ball in the net.
Watarai is the LeBron James or Kobe Bryant of the International Wheelchair Basketball Leagaue (IWBL). Dubbed “Dr. Sit’n’stein”, he leads the league with 27 dunks (versus next closest competitor Brandon Cachere [PHX] with almost one) and has no regrets or hesitations when it comes to his dominance in his sport.
“Bitches, you gots nothin’!”, shouts Watarai as he completes a patented 360° with a 360° double reverse. All of Watarai’s shots are named with the patented 360° prefix, because that’s just how he rolls.
“Sunshine in the summertime, ladies,” Watarai says as he pounds one home at Tokyo’s Yoyogi National Gymnasium against the Anaheim Pls-B C-teds. “Someone grab my Ray-Bans cuz there’s no shadow up in heeeeee-ere! DAY-um, that spot light get bright!”
Watarai’s patented parapalegic dunks have astounded the sporting world and drawn much-needed attention to a sport faltering financially.
Said Stubby Piernas, IWBL Director, “The league has never seen someone with the god-given talent Takeru has. His upper body strength can lift that wheel chair 10 feet off the ground. His play has brought countless new supporters to our league,” said Piernas. “The only downside is he’s kind of a dick about it.”
Waterai feels no remorse, even to the league’s highest ranking member. “Stubby Piernas ain’t even handicapped”, he said. “That little bitch is just short. He comes to my house and I have to hand him the peanut butter off the counter for fear of him twisting one of them weak, girly ankles jumpin’ up and tryin’ to get it hisself.”
With the upcoming World Wheelchair Basketball Championships set to begin next weekend in Los Angeles, one can only wonder if there will be any point in watching.
Said Watarai, “You best be watchin’, bitches. I’mma hang a 360° double inside, fade 360° backside with a double-reverse on yet another 360° on Korea’s superstar center Kwan Pong. That’s a punch square in the dick, yo.”
Sunshine in the summertime, ladies….
