OKLAHOMA CITY, Oklahoma, November 5, 2009 (WSFB) – According to public records, Oklahoma City Thunder owner Clay Bennett attempted to return the NBA franchise he and a group of investors purchased in 2006 to the city of Seattle, but failed because he was unable to find the receipt.

“Our return policy is clear,” said Seattle mayor Greg Nickels. “No refunds or returns without a receipt. Just because the Thunder suck ass doesn’t mean we want them back, despite this great city’s fondness of ass-sucking sports teams.”

“I don’t know where that damn receipt is,” said Bennett. “I’ve looked everywhere – in my car, in the pants I was wearing the day I lied to the whole retarded city and bought this sucky team, in Kevin Durant’s locker, which smells lovely, by the way. I’m just hoping I didn’t throw it away at the Taco Bell.”

Bennett expressed surprise at both the rigidity of Seattle’s return policy and the ass-suckiness of the team. “I knew this team sucked ass when I bought it,” he told reporters. “But I had no idea they sucked ass this badly. I didn’t know anyone ever sucked ass this badly. I didn’t know it was even physically possible to suck ass this badly. I mean sure Kevin Durant looks good in leather chaps, but it’s like this team never even heard of gravity the way they shoot. Seattle should have paid me to take this suck-ass team. Oh wait, that’s right…they did. But still, you know what I mean.”

Nickels was quick to defend the city’s strict policy. “No returns means no returns. We offered him in-store credit at the Qwest Field gift-shop. What more does he want?”OKLAHOMA CITY, Oklahoma, November 5, 2009 (WSFB) – According to public records, Oklahoma City Thunder owner Clay Bennett attempted to return the NBA franchise he and a group of investors purchased in 2006 to the city of Seattle, but failed because he was unable to find the receipt.

“Our return policy is clear,” said Seattle mayor Greg Nickels. “No refunds or returns without a receipt. Just because the Thunder suck ass doesn’t mean we want them back, despite this great city’s fondness of ass-sucking sports teams.”

“I don’t know where that damn receipt is,” said Bennett. “I’ve looked everywhere – in my car, in the pants I was wearing the day I lied to the whole retarded city and bought this sucky team, in Kevin Durant’s locker, which smells lovely, by the way. I’m just hoping I didn’t throw it away at the Taco Bell.”

Bennett expressed surprise at both the rigidity of Seattle’s return policy and the ass-suckiness of the team. “I knew this team sucked ass when I bought it,” he told reporters. “But I had no idea they sucked ass this badly. I didn’t know anyone ever sucked ass this badly. I didn’t know it was even physically possible to suck ass this badly. I mean sure Kevin Durant looks good in leather chaps, but it’s like this team never even heard of gravity the way they shoot. Seattle should have paid me to take this suck-ass team. Oh wait, that’s right…they did. But still, you know what I mean.”

Nickels was quick to defend the city’s strict policy. “No returns means no returns. We offered him in-store credit at the Qwest Field gift-shop. What more does he want?”