Eine Zwei Drei CRAP!
WEST SEATTLE, Washington, September 07, 2010 (WSFB) – In sports news, the Seattle Seahawks continue to trim the roster per the NFL mandated Saturday cutoff in which teams had to reduce to 53 players.
First year Coach Pete Carroll is clearly cleaning house.
Long gone are the familiar names of Walter Jones, Patrick Kerney, Julian Peterson, Nate Burleson, Lawrence Jackson, Seneca Wallace and LenDale White.
Wrotto, Vallos, Ellison, and Hushmin….Houshmaz… that mouthy T.J. wide receiver-guy we picked up from the Bengals, they’re all gone as of this weekend.
Babineaux, Vickerson, and self-face-bashing full-back Owen Schmitt are history as of yesterday. Hell, only a mere third of the players drafted during Tim Ruskell’s 5-year reign are still around.
So it should be no surprise that in a surprising move by the Seahawks, Saturday brought the release of veteran mascot, Blitz, a fan favorite.
The repercussions of such a move could be devastating.
“I’ve been selling hotdogs at Qwest Field since they built it,” says Liam ‘Shark’ Finnigan. “If they can let go of someone like Blitz, then none of us are safe. I may not be the man putting meat in your buns much longer.”
Seahawks General Manager, John Schneider, posted his rationale on the Seahawks website if the form of a statement.
After carefully considering the direction the Seahawks are going in 2010 and beyond, Coach Carroll and I decided that the time was right to release Blitz of his cheerleading duties at Qwest Field and find someone who better fits the mold of the winning tradition to come. Frankly, we think he might have been bad luck, like bananas on a fishing boat.
I’d like to also take this opportunity to announce the signing of Blitz’s replacement: Bingo, from the hit ’70’s show The Banana Splits.
Get it? The banana splits? As in the bananas leave Seattle?
Bingo? As in we have a winner?
We think this is very clever and hope that those of you who have the ability to write smack about us, like Steve Kelley of the Seattle Times, will appreciate the wit involved in this move.
Go Seahawks. Thank you.
“Bingo?” said the Shark when told of Blitz’s replacement? “We’re all screwed.”
