AUSTIN, Texas, November 16, 2009 – (WSFB-AC). Hey! Gravity! You’re so fucking stupid. You may have everyone else fooled with your “oh I’m so complicated I need my own theories just to be conceived” crap, but not me. You smarmy little dickwhistle.

I know, I know…you cause dispersed matter to coalesce, thus accounting for the existence of the Earth, the Sun and the entire universe. Big whoop, cockface. And you’re responsible for keeping the planets in orbit? Congratulations! How about I buy you a big steaming hot cup of I don’t give a fuck? Douchebag.

Just because you can make me fall down doesn’t mean you should make me fall down. Besides that, I was drunk. Why don’t you pick a fair fight, bitch? Because you’re the weakest of the four fundamental forces, that’s why. Didn’t think I knew about that did you, cocksucker? It’s a little thing call the internet, Mr. Fucky McFucksalot. Maybe you should stop being so relative and read a damn book every once in a while. I hate your stupid guts. Why don’t you just tuck your “space time continuum” between your legs and do the Dance of the Sugarplum Fairies? God…you’re so stupid