WEST SEATTLE, Washington, January 13, 2010 (WSFB) – Hey bro, can you believe the  Winter Olympics are coming to Canada?  Dude, the Olympics happen like once every ten years, and they’re coming to my backyard!  Fucking rad.  A little while ago I was tokin’ and chokin’ with my buddy Mikey and I was all “fuck dude, we should go to the Olympics sometime” and then bam!  He’s all “dude, the Olympics are going down in Canada like right now bro.”  I almost shit my pants and said “we totally have to get to Canada” and he was all “Oh shit Canada is rad!”  Then I was thinking and was like “dude, Mikey, how the fuck do we get to Canada?”

Then Mikey laid it all out for me.

Mikey’s plan was so fucking insane, he was all “OK, bro, we are going to fucking run to Canada.”  Mikey said it would only take us a couple days if we ran the whole time and you know what?  It sounded pretty fucking cool and totally green like in an environment kind of way.  He also brought up a good point, if we run to Canada we don’t have to deal with the border police because they don’t even check you if you run across.  It was a fucking crazy sweet idea!

Well Mikey was really fucking wrong about this whole running man plan, it took us four weeks just to get from West Seattle to Everett, and once we managed to get to the border like infinitely later we had to ditch all the cool shit we had in our backpacks.

You see, Mikey’s game plan had a major league chew hole in it dude, apparently you can’t run across the border without some Canadican douchebag asking questions  like “why are you going to Canada” and “where is your passport” or “what’s in the bag?”  Passport?  I have no fucking clue how to even get a hold of the US Department of Passports, and believe me I googled the shit out of that one.  Then the border agents took all of our medical grade shit and sent us back into the US.

Then, even though the Canadicans wouldn’t let us through we did find a trucker dude that took us across.  All we had to do was let him take some pictures of us dressed up in these weird adult diaper things he had in his cab, but whatever dude, neither Mikey or I really like to talk about that one.

Well now it’s January and guess what, no fucking Olympic events are even happening until next month, and it took us three months to get up here because we came up with our genius idea back in October.  Plus, Mikey forgot his wallet somewhere but I think that nasty stripper in Surrey stole it.  The good news was that even though that stripper ho stole Mikey’s wallet she did tell us the Winter Olympics had a scheduling issue in Vancouver and got moved to Toronto.  Thank God we talked to her bro, without that little nugget of intelligence we would have been holding our dicks in Whistler when we should have been at some place called Mt. Quebec in Toronto.  Plus she said it’s way closer to go from Vancouver to Toronto vs. Vancouver to Whistler.  Who’s the loser now dad?

Anyways we’re on our way to Toronto by way of Greyhound, and some dude just told us that some other dude chopped some other dude’s head off a while ago on the same bus we are on right now, and I was all dude, that is fucking insane!  Then I told Mikey and he was all “ho-ly-fuck!”  But head chopper dude or no head chopper dude, as long as we get to Mt. Quebec by February 1 so we can qualify for the men’s snowboard halfpipe it’s all gravytrain.  Hope to see you there!