WEST SEATTLE, Washington, July 31, 2009 (WSFB) – Crime is on the increase in West Seattle and with the downsizing of the Seattle Police Department, it seems that local bloggers are springing into action.

This morning, several young men allegedly attempted the kidnapping of several small mollusks along Alki Beach. When local bloggers noticed that there weren’t actual police officers nearby they decided to call 911.

When the police department laughed at them, they felt like they must take matters into their own hands, so they sprung into action. The bloggers quickly surrounded the men and the following exchange took place:

Blogger shouts: “Put the Mollusks in the water”!!!
Young Man #1 : “It rubs the Mollusk on its skin. It does this whenever it is told”
Blogger: “Mister…my family will pay cash. Whatever ransom you’re askin’ for, they pay it”
Young Man #2: “It rubs the Mollusk on its skin or else it gets the hose again”.
Blogger: “Okay….okay…okay. Mister, if you let the mollusk go, I won’t press charges…I promise. See I’m an important blogger…I guess you already know that”
Young Man #3: “Now it places the Mollusk in the water”
Blogger: “Please. Please I wanna go home and blog! I wanna blog please”
Young Man #1: “It places the Mollusk in the water”
Blogger: “I wanna see my blog!! I wanna see my blog”!!
Young man #2: “PUT THE FUCKING MOLLUSK IN THE WATER”

Rest easy tonight…our beach is safe.