WEST SEATTLE, Washington, February 03, 2010 (WSFB) – An unsettling sight and sound blanketed the skies of West Seattle early Wednesday afternoon as dozens of United States Army Apache AH-64D Longbow choppers buzzed the area for several hours.
According to General Edward Speaking of the U.S. Army, the local military arsental had been mobilized after receiving a tip from a local blog reader that the western hemisphere’s most wanted man – Osama bin Laden – had been spotted in the vicinity of Camp Long and Delridge.
“We’ve received credible intelligence that bin Laden is in the West Seattle area. He’s likely tired and disoriented, but still coherent enough to evade us” says General Speaking. “We’ll leave no log unturned, and we will locate this threat to freedom loving people around the world.”
Concerned and easily frightened West Seattle residents came unhinged at the thought that the world’s best known terrorist was loose in their neighborhood.
“We know there’s a war going on abroad, but we never thought it was hit this close to home” says stay at home mom Jeanie Gelpham. “We’ve brought our animals indoors and locked all the doors. Our Golden Retriever will be able to keep us safe and the terrorists at bay.”
While the Golden Retriever is a lovable family-oriented dog it cannot be expected to thwart attempted terrorist activity. Instead, it is recommended by the U.S. Department of Homeland Security that at least two loyal and fierce German Shepherd Dogs be deployed as sentries to secure the perimeter of every West Seattle household.
The Apache AH-64D Longbow debuted in 1989 during “Operation Just Cause”, otherwise known as the invasion of Panama, and played key roles in every major war since then including Operation Desert Storm and Operation Iraqi Freedom. With a 30 x 113mm M230 chain gun, Hydra 70 FFAR rockets, and a combination of AGM-114 Hellfire, AIM-92 Stinger, and AIM-91 Sidewinder missiles, bin Laden doesn’t stand a chance once he’s been targeted by the fire-control radar.
If you have any information surrounding the wherabouts of Osama bin Laden, please contact the West Seattle Department of Homeland Security Regional Headquarters here.
