WEST SEATTLE, Washington, October 22, 2009 (WSFB) – A conglomerate of non-West Seattle based feral cats have engaged in what Seattle trade authorities are calling the “first ever attempted hostile takeover by an estranged group of animals”.

The group of feral cats “just showed up one day” near the Alki Tavern on Harbor Avenue and immediately began causing a ruckus.

Empty champagne bottles and jars of beluga whale caviar litter the parking lot near the boat launch on Harbor Avenue and are clearly the work of the highly organized feral property purchasing consortium.

“We knew these weren’t your ordinary feral cats,” says Bërn Bøldt of the Alki Commission on Cat Finances. “These were clearly more sophisticated and financially well-endowed animals with ample resources and a peculiar taste for near waterfront properties and business.”

Animal control officers have been unsuccessful in their attempts to trap and remove the animals, despite the large amounts of cash and paperwork each cat carries.

Chief Animal Control officer Harvey Wallbanger explains. “When we come within 20-50 yards of them, a ’sentry’ alerts the group and they all scatter in different directions. Many of them burrow deep into the blackberries and underbrush making it impossible to remove them in a humane fashion.”

Early this morning, an unnamed real estate agent working on behalf of the feral cat consortium approached the owners of the Alki Tavern giving them an “offer they just cannot refuse”.

Based on our sources the Alki Tavern owners “laughed off” the event, believing it a hoax. However, later this morning the real estate agent returned with several attorneys and reiterated the offer claiming it “is not a hoax – these cats want this place, and they always get what they want.”

As of press time, neither the Alki Tavern owners nor parties representing the cats could be reached for comment.

More to follow as this story progresses.