WEST SEATTLE, Washington, August 29, 2009 (WSFB) – A new lobbying group based in West Seattle has voiced its opinion on what to do about the viaduct. In a nutshell, they don’t give a shit. Just ask Gordy Lavaca of Admiral.

“Honestly, we live in paradise. Why the hell would we ever want to leave? We’ve got fine restaurants, ample food shopping, live music venues that serve food, and a beach where you can bring food. Hell, we don’t want anything to do with Seattle at all.” His sentiments are shared by many, thus Lavaca started his lobbying group,  Friends Against Them Calling Ourselves West Seattle.

FATCOWS’s agenda is neither for nor against the viaduct replacement projects, per se. But rather, a concerted effort to strip the word “Seattle” out of the region’s moniker.

“We haven’t come up with a new name yet, but we’re working on it. Usually over a beer or seven,” says Lavaca as he nurses one at Big Al’s in White Center.

“FATCOWS have been running amok in the region of late. You can find FATCOWS at the QFC at Westwood Village milking our agenda. FATCOWS hang out in bars and recruit intoxicated folks to our cause. FATCOWS are truly a force to be reckoned with.

“We just want a little respect, that’s it. So if you support FATCOWS, come buy us a steak sandwich, a Bloody Mary, and a steak sandwich. Or just bring us home. We’re easy!”