WEST SEATTLE, Washington, March 31, 2010 (WSFB) – A new mom-’n-pop drugstore in the Arbor Heights neighborhood has a bone to pick with other drugstores. They sell condoms.

Jonas Flagstad is the owner of the new “Flagstad Farmacy” at the corner of 35th and Roxbury. Unlike most convenience stores, Flagstad and his wife Olah refuse to sell prophylactics.

“It’s my store and I’ll sell whatever I goddamn well please. Our society has become a hot bed of young people hot bedding with whoever they want,” said Mr. Flagstad. “AIDS and STD’s are a warning from the Lord Almighty to shape up or ship out. Slapping a rubber on your pecker circumvents His message. Well, we won’t have any part of that nonsense or your shenanigans.”

Flagstad’s religious beliefs have clearly been written into the pharmacy’s business plan.

“I’m not against sex, I’m against rampant, deviant, promiscuous sex,” said Jonas. “Olah and I still bump uglies on a regular basis and I have pictures to prove it. We’ve been doing the deed for decades and have never had children and never used condoms. We believe in the Catholic Rhythm Method as a form of birth control.”

Asked to explain this method for our readers, Flagstad said, “I’m not your goddamn Google. Look it up. And don’t come into the Flagstad Farmacy looking for products to get your slutty swerve on. You won’t find ‘em, you twat waffles.”

Pete@westseattlefunblog.com