Darrell, Harold, Panama Sam, and Spivey
WEST SEATTLE, Washington, January 1, 2010 (WSFB) – An Alki man has been arrested for child trafficking after offering to trade one of his sons for an office chair.
“Panama” Sam Pritchard was taken into custody by the West Seattle Police Department last Wednesday after posting an ad on Craigslist offering the deal.
“We were tipped by an anonymous person, named Dave Blank, that his neighbor might use Craigslist to offer some sort of a human trade for furniture,” said WSPD Officer Justin Gage.
“Pritchard had approached the anonymous tipster with the offer, but he declined and sarcastically recommended Craigslist as an alternative. Upon reflection, he thought Pritchard might take him literally. So he did the right thing and phoned us right away, at which point we initiated super-secret Operation Charred Chair.”
“OP CC”, as it was known, involved a 23 year-old female police officer posting a Craigslist response, posing as a 35 year-old male police officer, posing as a 23 year-old female office chair owner. Pritchard bit and was arrested at his Alki home, much to the hoo-hah of the children.
Kevin Johnson is Panama Sam Pritchard’s attorney.
“One of the boys set the chair on fire, just for kicks,” said Johnson. “Boys will be boys and we all like boys. It’s understandable. Darrell, Harold, and Spivey unified and would not divulge who actually did it. Apparently there’s dirt and none of them are innocent. None of them have money either. The boys offered their dad this option in lieu of the usual corporal punishment. This trade is completely voluntary, thus legal.”
Said Craigslist attorney Kelvin Johnston, “We strongly feel that nothing illegal was done. Look at those boys and look at the chair. Look at the chair beyond the singed parts. Even new it’s still a piece of shit. Any one of those boys for an unmarred chair is a fair trade. They picked Spivey. Everybody wins. This case is open and closed.”
“Shut”, said I. “Open and shut.”
“Open and shut, whatever. Close the fuck up,” said Johnston.
For the record, it was young Spivey who torched the chair. Spivey is now with Child Protective Services while his brothers, Darrell and Harold, are on Alki Beach building an Ikea bonfire. Panama Sam remains incarcerated.
