WEST SEATTLE, Washington, May 25, 2009 (WSFB) – The Pigeon Beach neighborhood has become increasingly dangerous due to the spring population explosion of   Alki raccoons (Alkilius Racconicae).

“Our backyard has become a hangout for the local raccoons. They’ve even built a clubhouse out of old pallets and sod scraps”, wails neighborhood resident Vaughan Vallen.

According to University of West Seattle biology professor Dr. Grel Vogle the raccoons have increased their mating habits to counteract the global food crisis currently underway in other areas of the world where Costco does not do business. “They’re adapting to changes they sense on the horizon, and all research shows they’re breeding for food purposes. They plan on eating each other to survive.”

Several raccoons have been captured and decaptitated in order to test for rabies. Test results are pending but authorities suggest residents of Pigeon Beach avoid any contact with raccoons especially during daylight hours when they are more inclined to violence against mammals larger than themselves.