Ibrahim Feller - "Weeds is Poison"
WEST SEATTLE, Washington, July 22, 2010 (WSFB) – Ibrahim Feller didn’t know what hit him. One minute he was behind the counter of his All-Star Pawn-Star Store in White Center, pimping his lawn care wares; the next, the victim of a vicious weed whacker attacker, a whack job, maybe on weed or crack.
Such are the dangers of the pawn industry.
“I’ve been selling lawn care equipment and stolen musical gear for 27 years and I’ve never seen such a thing,” said Feller. “You give a man a functioning tool and a slight double or triple-digit markup over Ebay or Craigslist, and the man usually just pays and leaves. I’ve never had one attack me with a fine working piece of All-Star Pawn-Star inventory before.”
Police were summoned by Feller’s face and responded immediately.
Said Sgt. Kevin Johnson, of the Pawn Store Security Agency, not actually police, “Mr. Feller is the victim of an unfortunate situation. In most pawn store assaults, staff are assaulted with non-working machinery, because most of the shit they’re pitching is just that. Non-working shit. Who could have guessed the weed whacker worked?”
When asked about his ordeal, Feller stated, “He got in my face. First with his face, and then with his spittle and his face. He then got in my face with his face, the spittle from his face, and a working weed whacker,” Feller admitted. “That’s when my face decided it needed to get out of that place but didn’t do an about-face nearly in time. And that’s when he caught up with me.”
Fortuanately for Feller, the line on the weed whacker had just broken, rendering the spinning spindle top empty. Nonetheless, Feller’s face was subjected to the viciuousness of a really fast-moving piece of plastic, which often caught and held against the toughness of his rugged rock star features, minimizing the damage.
“I have an All-Star Pawn-Star Face,” screamed Feller. “Come back and try to take this fully functional chainsaw from me you thieving little bitch. I All-Star Double-Dog Dare you. Or are you All-Star Double-Douche Scared?”
Note: The West Seattle Police Department does not condone such antagonistic behavior. Nonetheless, they can be seen congregating at Pho Toe, across the street, waiting for more of this entertaining shit to go down.
