WEST SEATTLE, Washington, November 19, 2009 (WSFB) - Local High Point grocery store, “Dick and Mona’s Corner Grocer”, has realized the devastation that the current economic condition has placed on small business.

Said Dick, “You’ve got to stay ahead of the game when it gets this bad.  That’s why we put our thinking caps on and came up with this marketing strategy.”

Dick and Mona’s is now advertising and selling “Organic Sex Toys”.

Said Mona, “You don’t have to read USA Today to know that Americans are not only buying American, but they’re trying to buy items that don’t contribute to the environment negatively.  Use a little KY Jelly and couple that little nugget with the fact that the sex toy industry is a growing sector in retail and you can see the brilliance of this campaign.”

“I was walking my dog at Westcrest Park,” said Dick, “when I came across a cucumber in a condom just lying on the ground.  I still don’t know what the hell it was doing there.  Obviously someone had this idea before me.  I believe they prematurely epiphinated and I’m the lucky recipient.  This idea is going to be the mother lode that changes the face of my business.”

“Anything can be a sex toy if you market it properly,” said Mona.  ”Take the produce section, for instance.  I’ve got cucumbers, zucchinis, and carrots that are quite phallic. Varying sized new potatoes threaded on a string make for a wonderful toy, so I’m told.  And passion fruit, well that just goes without saying.”

The produce section is not the only department that carries organic sex toys.  Said Mona, “Though not technically a sex toy from my own experience, the meat counter sells a skirt steak that has become very popular as an organic window treatment.  I’ve never seen a Meat Curtain before, but I assume they’re very nice if they’re organic.  We don’t let our beef steak smoke the refeer, so I assume we’re in compliance with Organic Labeling Regulations.”

Organic sex toys can also be found on the pet aisle (rubber dog bones), the ready-to-eat meat refrigerated case (Jumbo Summer Sausage), the home decoration aisle (candles and their nipple-enveloping wax), and of course in the frozen food section (warm, apple pie).

Next week!  A review on instant mashed potatoes!