WEST SEATTLE, Washington, September 10, 2010 (WSFB) – The end of summer and the home gardening harvest is upon us and those of us who participated in this annual ritual are celebrating the bounties of our efforts. But no one on the West Side is as happy about the fruits of their labors as High Point’s Reikja Järd, a 7-year old first time gardener.
“It looks like ME!” screams Järd with delight. “I’m a spud!”
The potato was found in the Järd’s family garden a few blocks off 35th and Morgan where they were growing strawberries, various types of lettuce and legumes, and a small batch of medical marijuana.
A perplexed Jarl Järd, Reikja’s father, didn’t know where the bizarre tuber came from, citing it’s absence from his garden manifest.
“We didn’t plant potatos,” said the paternal Järd, shaking his head as if confused or high. “But I have to admit is does look like little Reikja. She’s quite thrilled with her find and plans to shellac and display it in her bedroom. We’ll see about that.”
Hard hit by the current economic re-recession, mother Janis Järd has the duty of breaking the news to young Reikja.
“Unfortunately, we’re going to have to eat the Reikja potato,” she said. “Times are tough and I already have hamburgers on the dinner menu. Tonight we’ll eat like kings and have burgers with fries. Maybe I’ll tell her in the morning.”
“It’s a shame she didn’t also find an onion that looks like Jarl,” Janis finishes. “I deep-fry some mean rings.”
UPDATE: The morning after this article was submitted for posting, blood-curdling screams were heard throughout the High Point neighborhood. Though not confirmed as of press time, it was reported that neighbors heard a child’s voice scream, “I ate my fucking head!”
I think I heard her in the more expensive part of West Seattle, but she was not as loud as my husband when he showed me his zucchini and then made it into zucchini bread. He was most upset that I made his zucchini loaf. He screamed like a girl.