WEST SEATTLE, Washington, January 14, 2010 (WSFB) – Breaking news, the West Seattle Funblog just received word that the WS Parks and Recreation department has proposed a list of things that you won’t be able to do in and around their facilities beginning this week (newly banned behaviors listed below).

Fucking with other people that are trying to get their park on

Frightening others with the proper use of a skateboard

Drinking from any container or faucet except for the nasty drinking fountain with bird shit all over it

Speaking at a volume level higher than what the oldest person in the park can tolerate

Coughing

Appearing to be from Tacoma

Making eye contact with other park patrons or park employees

Bringing a dog to the park that is larger than the other dogs at the park and allowing your dog to just be a dog

Being poor in the park (parks cost money)

Thinking critical thoughts about the WS Parks and Recreation Department

Parking near the park

Smoking on your way to the park (no stinky people in the park)

Looking at owls without making a big fucking deal about owls

The WS Parks and Recreation Department asks you follow these rules or else face fines of up to $69.

The West Seattle Funblog wants you to remind you that while most of us pay taxes to support these parks, the fact is we all have to share them.  However, authoritarian enforcement of banned “behaviors” in parks such as smoking, spitting, or even walking into the wrong restroom based on your gender is an unfortunate statement about the current political climate that is sucking the life out of this town. Welcome to the most “liberal” conservative city in the world, Seattle, Washington.