WEST SEATTLE, Washington, December 30, 2009 (WSFB) – A new form of larceny has reared its mustachioed head in West Seattle and is striking WAAAAY too close to home!

This Christmas holiday brought a stranger to town. He claimed his name was Mario, that he was the brother of our own Luigi Linguini, and he told stories of harassment and unfunmanship here in our little holiday mecca!

Said Linguini, “I’m the first to say that Your Mom has the hots for all things funbloggery and I stand hard and firm by Your Mom and that statement. But Your Mom is not a whore, or some unknown fetal playground for this type of THING to take place. ‘Mario’ is a fake. He’s not my brother and, sister, you can take that to the funbank!”

Kevin Johnson of the Sheriff’s of King County Assoc. stated, “I thought he was THE Mario. He’s actually NOT as sweet as zhu zhu pets or what the game even depicted.  It’s horseshit and I want my money back.”

No sooner did this story break, than did it end. “Mario” popped into the Shadowland in the Junction where, unbeknownst to him, he ordered a caramel machiotto in the presence of undercover West Seattle Police Detectives installing a new “black night / black light” crime evidence gathering camera thingy. Mario’s mustache was immediately confiscated for evidence.

“This is a fine day in law enforcement and funbloggery,” said Linguini. “We only hope our DNA, pretty please with sugar on top, is not isolated, scanned, or filed in any case occurring in West Seattle in the past, present, or future. Does Burien count, too?”

No, it does not.

pete@westseattlefunblog.com