WEST SEATTLE, Washington, March, 12, 2010 (WSFB) –  Crime happens every day in West Seattle, but car prowl and car theft seem to be two of the most common kinds.  However, there are some very secret obscure tips that you may not be aware of that can prevent possessions within your car, or perhaps your car itself, from being totally jacked.

1. Lock your shit.  I know what you might be thinking; why would anyone want to possibly steal your Sade CD collection or your stinky gym bag, right?  Wrong. I know this one guy that lives under the West Seattle Bridge who spends his whole day looking for Sade CD’s and stinky gym bags.  If you leave your car unlocked you might as well walk up to a thief (who you can identify by their striped shirt and mask) and hand him or her your car keys.  Respect the lock.

2. If you buy the 2010 Acura TL with the six speed and the 19″ rims don’t leave your new fancy ride in front of the corner market on Delridge for any extended amount of time, especially in the middle of the night.  And if you do leave your ride there then don’t leave the keys in the ignition.  And if you do leave your car there with the keys in the ignition then don’t leave gold or large cash laying on the dash.  And if you do leave your car there with the keys in the ignition and gold and cash on the dash then don’t go tell everyone in the market that you just bought a 2010 TL and that it’s sitting outside running with gold and cash on the dash.  And if you do leave your car there with the keys in the ignition and gold and cash on the dash and you did tell everyone in the market the situation then you better have a god damn black mamba in there because your shit is about to get broken into and jacked.

3. Write a letter to your would be prowler and place it in the window.  Say on it “Stop Don’t Steal My Shit Thief!” and explain your reasoning.  Make sure you mention that there are no valuables whatsoever in the car, especially purses and wallets and crack.  Draw a picture of a police officer and sign it “Lieutenant Craig”.  Tell the prowler that they are wasting time and they should focus on the Benz around the corner with the laptop bag sitting in the back window.  Encourage them to move along, nothing to see here.

4. Put a West Seattle Funblog sticker on your car, because everyone respects the Fun.