WEST SEATTLE, Washington, January 30, 2010 (WSFB) -  The post you are about to read is not real; everything including the names have been made up to protect the guilty.

A local woman was pulled over and arrested after she was seen slowing down at a green arrow, then speeding up at the last minute so she could make the light while the car behind her was forced to stop and wait for the intersection lights to cycle through.  She was officially charged with “being a complete bitch behind the wheel.”

A West Seattle teen was questioned by police after a local business owner called 911 to complain about someone harassing customers outside his store.  After the teen told police that  the store owner was his grandfather, and that he had told him to yell at people walking by in order to scare them into entering the business, the police then advised the teen’s grandfather to quit practicing his crappy and confusing foreign parenting skills in America.

When two West Seattle residents arrived in downtown Seattle to ride the light rail to Sea-Tac Airport they were turned away from purchasing fare by light rail staff who told them “nobody actually rides this thing.”  When they called police assuming they were turned away due to the color of their skin, police responded that it “probably was not the case because nobody actually rides that thing.”

While standing on the sidewalk near the Junction a local man witnessed a speeding car flying down California Ave. early Tuesday morning. When he asked his friend “where’s a cop when you need one?” a cop that was standing inches behind him said “right here” and literally scared the crap out of the man and his friend.

The nicest person in West Seattle was cited earlier this month by police for “making everyone else look like a complete dickhead.”  Oddly enough the meanest person in West Seattle was also cited earlier this month by police for “being a complete dickhead toward everyone else.”