AUSTIN, Texas, April 22, 2010 (WSFB-AC) – If you only had a single pair of socks, one of the little fuckers would still go astray sooner or later. It’s inevitable. Socks disappear. But we have lots of socks, so we don’t bitch or wonder; we just move on and let the mystery propagate.

Have you ever wondered what your socks are doing when you’re away? We here at the West Seattle Funblog have. But unlike Your Mom, ever since you moved out of the house, we still care about your sock issues. It’s our concern now.

Thus, we decided to pull a Palin and go rogue on this issue. We posted a hidden camera in our own bedroom (we all share one) to investigate what really happens to your socks.

We now present:

“SOCKS: When the Foot’s Away….the Socks Will Play”

Our hidden camera picked up all kinds of partying and carousing while you were gone. There appears to have been a sock slut sex party that would have truly made you, or at least Your Mom, blush. The evidence:

Socks usually start with a little foreplay.

One sock might prefer a different color of sock. And yes, it's true.

Some socks have fetishes. And sadly yes, these rumors are also true.

Some socks prefer more than one partner.

Some socks prefer a partner that just has more.

Some socks prefer multiple partners that aren’t physically attached to each other.

And some socks like it sick, twisted, and illegal.

Yessssssssssssssssssssssss!

So there you have it. Your socks are out having a good time and sometimes they just don’t go home. And those stray socks you find in the dryer without a match? Offspring. Genuine sock sex orphans. Don't throw them away. Pity them and help them find their families.

This article supplemented by Pete Seazle.