Your Weekly Horoscope
- by Patty Seazle
Capricorn: (Dec 22-Jan 19)
You’re having delusions of adequacy, and you’re simply a shiver looking for a spine to crawl up. Try to open your mind without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge. I’ll say something nice next week Cappy, I promise.
Aquarius: (Jan 20-Feb 18)
This week is a circus, and you feel like the 15th clown stuffed into the Volkswagon. I say pick up that whip, because you’re more suited to be the leather clad ringmaster. Get out there and make them dance!
Pisces: (Feb 19-Mar 20)
Having trouble taking the heat in the kitchen? I’m not worried about you, you’re a tough cookie, so hang in there. You’re not going to crumble because of a few nuts in the recipe.
Aries: (Mar 21-April 19)
You’re one smooth pimp daddy. You’ve slipped into your dance shoes and are dancing around a touchy subject this week, but your friends are not falling for your big finish. They’ll wash their jazz hands of you, unless you come clean and face the music.
Taurus: (April 20-May 20)
Your dreams don’t have an expiration date, like cottage cheese and lunchmeat, so why are you throwing them into the recycle bin? Dust them off and see if they still shine. You may find that you’ve been storing your greatest achievements next to the brown lettuce this whole time.
Gemini: (May 21-June 20)
You haven’t been asking for the moon, just your own little chuck of green cheese. Your pleas have been heard, and the universe is sending a few well deserved blobs of Brie into your orbit! Watch the skies with your eyes, and with your wallet wide open.
Cancer: (June 21-July 22)
You finally have a dollar in your pocket, but the ice cream truck keeps speeding by. Time to think outside the frosty box. A few nails might slow down those tasty treats. Suggest something other than “Pop Goes the Weasel”. Hell, Led Zepplin would sell a few fudgecicles.
Leo: (July 23-Aug 22)
Not every question can be answered with a boot to the head, some require a whiffle ball to the groin. Step up to the plate and get your helping of cosmic knowledge. I suggest playing with a Virgo this week.
Virgo:(Aug 23-Sept 22)
You’ve pinched so many pennies, that Abraham Lincoln is afraid to wear tight jeans. Set aside some coin for a good cause, but let’s enjoy some of it this week too! Gimme a call, I’m happy to help out!
Libra: (Sept 23-Oct 22)
There’s a tough fix for you this week, but thank goodness you have a good wrench in your hand. Tighten your lugs, but don’t try to bolt, because someone else has your nuts at the moment. A tactic of an angry Leo.
Scorpio: (Oct 23-Nov 21)
That sexy, hot body of yours may be a weapon of mass seduction, but your mind missile remains stuck in the silo. Keep upgrading your moves, you probably wouldn’t want that smart bombshell to take advantage of you. Or would you?
Sagittarius: (Nov 22-Dec 21)
Time to de-geek this week, and get updated. Your jack is plugged into a peapod, not your iPod, and you need some serious help. Find some new friends to help you get tuned in, and you’ll be twittering….. twitting…. tweeting in no time.
Patty Seazle is a recovering Aquarian.
