CHICAGO, Illinois, November 16, 2009 (WSFB-AC) – Amid widespread media reports that she is nearing a decision to bring her long-running daily television show “The Oprah Winfrey Show” to a close, Ms. Winfrey reportedly has begun making appearances at open-mike nights at comedy clubs around the region in an attempt to develop and expand her media empire in previously unexplored directions.

Demonstrating once again her apparent complete inability to fail, those who have attended the appearances report that, while Winfrey may have a few glitches to work out in her act, on the whole they were completely satisfied with her very “Oprah” take on stand-up and could not wait to see her again.

At her recent 15-minute standup gig at the Monkey Shinez Laff Hutt, Winfrey began the show by saying that her primary goal is to “turn the misogynistic norms of comedy tropes in on themselves, creating a new kind of comedy that educates through laughter and respect. And, of course, to have a LOT of fun!”

Winfrey then launched into her act, demonstrating a sense of classicism by engaging the audience with a series of brief one-liners and one-two punch jokes more evocative of old vaudevillian structures than the more story-oriented norms of comedians today.

Standing stock-still, perhaps even appearing uncharacteristically nervous, Winfrey gazed out at the audience and spoke:  “What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?”

After a brief pregnant pause, she eliminated the tension deftly, dropping the punchline with expert timing:

“What can you say?  I mean, you’ve told her to leave that man twice already, and she keeps going back. You just need to give that girl a car and a house and move her to Chicago.”

Eschewing the standard rimshot that typically accompanies humor that is related in this manner, Oprah instead chose a tasteful cascade of chimes to indicate the end of the previous comic piece and the beginning of the next.

“How is a woman like a laxative?” she asked, amid a hushed series of gasps. Two beats later, she exclaims with hearty delight, “Because their nobility and inherent worth can cleanse you to your core, if you’ll just believe in them!”

Scattered applause emanated from tables close to the stage.

Witnesses say that much of the audience seemed confused, with one or two even attempting to heckle Ms. Winfrey before being silenced by the angry glares of other audience members.

After a brief interruption, in which Ms. Winfrey chose to distribute Books on CD by noted Spiritual Advisor Deepak Chopra as a way to “apply a salve to the angry spirits and deep emotional wounds so many of us carry,” Oprah wrapped up her brief segment with a few more comedic gems, including:

• “What’s long and hard and drives a woman wild?  The New York Times Sunday Crossword Puzzle!  It takes me all day to finish that thing, and that’s with Stephen Hawking on my speed dial!”
• “How many women does it take to change a lightbulb?  Well, just one, unless she would like to bond and share the experience with another person.  Then Two women, Or even a woman and a man.”
• “What’s worse than a male chauvinist pig?  An emotionally damaged woman whose low self-esteem enables her to put up with that non-sense?  It just breaks my heart. AM I RIGHT GIRLS?”

As her scheduled time on the stage came to a close, Winfrey wrapped up by thanking Gail and Steadman, announced that her favorite thing for the night was small but generous piles of free cash, and then gave each audience member a small stack of tens and twenties.

Departing the stage with grace and dignity to riotous applause, Oprah promised to return soon. Her fans would not have it any other way.