Mr. Ed Does Dallas
WEST SEATTLE, Washington, July 12, 2010 (WSFB) – Startling new photographic evidence has surfaced which may reopen the investigation into the assassination of President John F. Kennedy. The photos are said to make the Zapruder film look old and grainy. The photos surfaced here in West Seattle and may exonerate Lee Harvey Oswald after almost five decades.
The photos show that Mr. Ed, beloved talking horse star of 1960’s television, was in the school book depository at the time of JFK’s death.
No one is certain why Mr. Ed would kill the President, but rumors persist to this day that the equine had a drug problem during his Hollywood days and was rumored to have been secretly involved with Marilyn Monroe. It is said that Mr. Ed didn’t approve of Monroe’s breathy rendition of “Happy Birthday” sung to JFK. He is further said to have become enraged and commenced a month-long horse pill bender in which the assassination plan was hatched.
The Warren Commission is not likely to be re-established to investigate as no one really cares about who killed JFK anymore. Funblog Leader Luigi Linguini has offered to open his own investigation, run by his nephew, Warren.
When asked his thoughts on possibly having his name cleared after all of this time, Oswald said nothing. Because he’s dead, because Jack Ruby shot him. When asked if he would put a guilt trip on Jack Ruby for wrongfully shooting him, Oswald once again said nothing. We here at the West Seattle Funblog take Oswald’s silence as a clear and definitive ”yes”.
Further quotes on the matter by noteworthy heads of state:
President Barack Obama: “They shoot horses, don’t they? I guess horses shoot people too. The secret service has begun watching the movements of Trigger and Flicka. I feel mostly, naaaaaaaay, totally safe.”
Former President Fidel Castro: “Funblogging no es un crimen.”
