Hedonism II Claims Dirtier Beaches Than BP

Oil Wells: Tap that!

WEST SEATTLE, Washington, August 02, 2010 (WSFB) – Proprietors of Hedonism II, the sexually-oriented beach resort chain, claim that they make beaches much dirtier than anything BP, formerly British Petroleum, has come up with in the Gulf of Mexico with their “paltry Deepwater Horzion lube job,” as Hedonsim reps call it.

“Their beaches are made up of muck and gunk,” said Hedonism II CEO, Jurgen Kok. “Our beaches are more solidly grafted in fuck and spunk. Clearly, our beaches are much nastier than anything BP can throw on the sand.” Independent counsel was brought in to assess the situation.

Said Kevin Johnson, lead taste-tester at the Sex On The Beach Foundation based in Bayou LaBatre, LA, “That must be JAM, cuz jelly don’t shake like DAT!”

Johnson, then pulled away from his Girls Gone Wild video, said, “Don’t even talk to me about getting nasty on the beach. I was in South Padre, Texas for Spring Break ‘86. Kids didn’t even know what AIDS was back then. It was all about constant drilling all night and mopping up the mess the next day. A little oil was expected to spill. This mess isn’t BP’s sole responsibility. Obama should throw some hot bitches and Coronitas at it.”

H2 representatives were quick to back Johnson’s brazenness.

“I can’t prove it,” said Kok, “but I’m pretty sure our guests also spew close to 2 million gallons per day.”

Pete@westseattlefunblog.com

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