BOSTON, Massachusetts, March 16, 2010 (WSFB) – In the West Seattle Funblog’s never-ending mission to spread funmanship to the masses “that side” of the West Seattle Bridge, an endeavor was undertaken over this past weekend to garner support for the creation of a Boston Chapter.
Luigi Linguini once wrote, “If you’re going to cross the bridge, then really cross the bridge.”
Funblogger Pete Seazle (no relation to this reporter) was enlisted for the mission. Long story short, its been deemed “an utter failure” by the Blogfathers with no future plans to resurrect the program.
“In light of the success and stagnant growth of the Austin Chapter, Funblog Brass decided that Boston could be fertile ground to sow new seeds, based strictly on the fact that the names of the two cities rhyme,” said Seazle. “Dukakis and Bentsen tried it in ‘88 under the Boston-Austin banner. It failed. We kinda forgot about that.”
Recruiting was attempted in areas that included Copley Square, the convention center and theater districts, the area formerly known as “The Combat Zone”, and the campus of MIT. Reactions varied, but only in the level of disinterest.
Said Sean McGillicutty, approached at the infamous Black Rose Tavern, “Are yoo fuckin’ lookin’ at me, yoo fuckin’ douchebag? Yoo some kinda fuckin’ fag or what? Fuckin’ wise guy.”
With Seazle’s heterosexuality reiterated, re-reiterated, and subsequently somewhat comprehended, McGillicutty went on to say, “Yoo’re still a fuckin’ tool. Now, piss off wit’yah before I dump this here fuckin’ chowdah on ya fuckin’ head, ya fuckin’ cahck.”
Efforts to garner support outside the Westin Copley under the smoking heater lamp were equally futile. “I flew in from Wiscaaaahnsin for the Seafood Show, yah know? I don’t know nuthin’ bout yah little bloggidy-boopity-doo, kay? Now get on wit’ yahself and let me finish cuttin’ my butt in peace, kay” said Linda Fernpepper of Madison, WI.
It should be noted that Fernpepper was rather portly, had feathered hair, and sported some unusually wide acid-washed jeans. She also reeked of fried shrimp.
Next up: MIT!
Prakash Krishnaraj is a student from India. Seazle caught up with him at the Rotch / Rotch Visual Collections Libray on campus.
“You’re not funny. You’re not smart. You live 3048.67 miles away and have no relevance to what we do here,” said Krishnaraj. “You talk too loudly in a library and you reek of beer. Now go away.”
Plans for an exploratory mission to Mumbai and basically anywhere else have also been scrapped. Recruitment efforts have been refocused to locations WEST of the bridge.
Pete@westseattlefunblog.com
