WASHTINGTON, DC. February 26, 2010 (WSFB-AC) –  Dozens of conservative protesters from across the country converged on the Capitol Sunday morning to demonstrate against everything as it currently stands. With the stimulus package staving off an epic economic depression but not rescuing the economy, two wars that are going neither better nor worse, and a healthcare system that still sucks but not any more or less than before, this group of patriotic Americans is fed up that things seem to be going basically okay.

“We’re sick and tired of not really having anything to protest about,” says event organizer Kevin Johnson. “Oops,” added Johnson, “I just ended a sentence with a preposition. That’s exactly the kind of mediocrity that has us so ambivalent! Our school system let me graduate using that kind of imperfect but not atrocious grammar, yet taught me enough to know that it’s incorrect. Where is the injustice of that? What are we supposed to protest about…sorry, about what are we supposed to protest?”

Added Johnson, “This Administration calls itself ‘progressive.’ We stand here today united against progress of any kind. Comrade Obama needs to understand: we’re here, we’re queer, and we have entirely too much discretionary time and money. Oh wait. We’re not queer. Well, Steve maybe, but not the rest of us.”