DENVER, Colorado, November 25, 2009 (WSFB-AC) - In its most ambitious green program to date, the City of Denver, Colorado launched its new “Recycle Your Baby” campaign early this week.

Says Denver Mayor Kevin Johnson, “We all know that recycling is one of the easiest things we can do to fight global warming and reduce greenhouse emissions. We also know all too many Denver citizens are simply throwing away their used but still perfectly serviceable babies. All we did was connect the dots and provide a service to the community”.

Denver County last year threw away over 35,000 pounds of infants, babies, and toddlers, up almost 12% from the same period during the previous year.

“People were just tossing them in dumpsters,” said Johnson. “They end up in our landfills or being adopted by Brangelina, and quite frankly neither of those options is acceptable. Recycled babies can be turned into gas for our cars, lovely Christmas ornaments, gerbil food, and stripper glitter. Crack babies or those with fetal alcohol syndrome can even be ground up and turned into an excellent face cream.”

The city is completely behind the program. “So many people, like, throw away their old babies without knowing they can recycle them,” said Denver resident Persimmon Harmony. “It’s, like, I don’t know. Lame or something. Reduce, reuse, recycle. Isn’t that what, like, Bob the Builder tells us?”

So, this Thanksgiving holiday, when you are sitting down to a bountiful table surrounded by friends and family, remember that not everyone is as fortunate. Consider recycling your baby instead of just sedating it with Benadryl and vodka and tossing it in the trash.

Your planet will thank you!