WEST SEATTLE, Washington, June 16, 2009 (WSFB) – Buy American. A simple phrase that used to mean something in this country until we were overrun by communist bloggers and feeble fat people.

Since the American Car Manufacturing Act of 1969, all cars manufactured in this country contain computing hardware that facilitates precision driving under circumstances of duress such as late night blogging, or short horking.

“We own three American cars”, says Trunc Haeldelsen from Schlitz Park. “After 9/11 it became incredibly easy to buy domestic vehicles, so we took advantage and were able to establish a very positive credit history.”

At a recent gathering of American car enthusiasts, Luigi Linguini (local blog celebrity and part-time tribal officer) addressed the crowd:

“Look. You have two choices here; first – you buy an American car, or second – you buy a car that is Un-American. You make the call.”

WSFB polls show that the majority of Un-American car drivers are 89.76% more likely to get pulled over for driving like pussies than drivers of American cars.