WEST SEATTLE, Washington, May 28, 2009 (WSFB) – Former Russian professional boxer Ivan Drago has declared himself “ready” to take on any and all challengers in the next Seattle race for Mayor, including counterpart Jan Drago,.
“Jan Drago same as Mayor Nickles,” Ivan Drago told the WSFB. “I cannot be defeated, I beat all opponents, regardless if they know how make ice cream or how teach children. Plus I strong as steel, this will help me in fight .”
The Seattle Times recently reported that candidate Jan Drago is known for having owned ice cream shops and teaching pre-school in the past prior to entering politics.
After his crushing defeat to Rocky Balboa on his home turf of Russia in 1985, Ivan found a new career as President of Russia. He now has his sights set on the title of Mayor of Seattle, which in Russia is about 4 levels above the position of President of Russia.
“My name is Drago. I from the Soviet Union. I fight all my life and I never lose. Soon I fight other Drago for Seattle mayor race, and the world will see her defeat. Soon the whole world will know my name. ”
When the WSFB pointed out that he lost a pretty famous fight to national hero Rocky Balboa, so therefore most people already know his name, Ivan Drago ran a bunch of times around an indoor track and hit a computerized punching bag, which also monitored his heart rate. He then shot up some steroids and passed out for 5 minutes. He then worked out really, really hard while his wife and trainers watched from above.
Ivan’s wife, Nikoli Koloff, told the WSFB that “It is a matter of size. Evolution. Isn’t it, gentlemen? Drago is the most perfectly trained mayor ever. This other Drago has not the size, the strength, the genetics to win. It is physically impossible for their Drago to beat our Drago. Ivan Drago is a look at the future! ”
It is unknown at this time if Jan Drago will be preparing for the fierce battle with Ivan Drago by following Rocky Balboa’s training strategy of chopping wood, running up mountains and yelling “DRAAAAGO!!!! DRAGGGOOOOO!!!!” at the top of her lungs.Ivan Drago to take on Jan Drago in Seattle Mayor’s race.
