WEST SEATTLE, Washington, October 29, 2009 (WSFB) – A foot in a shoe was found along Alki Beach this morning by a tall, baldish man walking a dog named Lucy. Witnesses report hearing incessant barkmanship followed by what sounded like a young girl’s scream.

“If you were missing a foot, you’d think you’d tell someone about it, right?” said the girl-screaming man, who wished to remain anonymous for obvious reasons. “Look at me, two feet. If one was suddenly gone? BAM! Phone call. I’m not sure who I’d call, but I have enough minutes on my T-Mobile plan that I’d start hitting some digits. This is just too bizarre.”

The West Seattle Police Department was called to the scene and immediately began crowd dispersal. “Nothing to see here people. One foot in front of the other. Keep ‘em moving.” WSPD also confirmed that this is not the first time this sort of thing has happened.

It has been widely speculated that the foot, as well as previously beached feet, once belonged to members of a Qingdao, China dance troupe. The Stilted Shandongers, named after the province in which Qingdao is located, are notoriously dedicated to their trade. It has been rumored that initiation rites into the group require inductees to “sever their feet and throw them into the sea”. Stilts are then surgically implanted where the feet once were.

Asked if Pacific Ocean currents could feasibly carry severed feet from China to West Seattle, Jarl Cederholm of the Pacific Ocean Observation Party (POOP), replied, “Ja.”

When told of this dance troupe / self-mutilation theory, the baldish foot-finding man stated, “How are you supposed to be a real live action figure and kick someone’s ass if you don’t have any feet? That’s just fucking stupid.”

Pete@westseattlefunblog.com