PORT-AU-PRINCE, Haiti, January 15, 2010 (WSFB) – A pregnant teen, paralyzed by rubble that crushed her legs, was concerned about the fate of Conan O’Brien’s “Tonight Show.” Late Night television was the first thing on the mind of Sabrina Delocroix St-Sebastian, 17, as she was pulled from the rubble.

“It’s really unfair the way they are treating Conan,” the expectant mother cried as an emergency Red Cross medical technician tested her toes for feeling. Finding none, the teen accepted the grim news then shifted gears to a larger criticism of NBC-Universal corporate policy.

“Lie still,” requested a technician as they checked for signs of life in her baby. Finding signs of life, the technician breathed a sigh of relief and gave the mother-to-be the good news. Delocroix St-Sebastian was incensed.

“How you call that good news, knowing what that awful Jeff Zucker is doing to Late Night television?” she asked through tears. She was then loaded onto a stretcher to be taken to a part of town with less human carnage in order to try and save her legs from amputation.

“I am naming my child Coco in protest to all of this, and will boycott the Tonight Show as long as Jay Leno is on it!” Delocroix St-Sebastian proclaimed as she was carried off on a stretcher by the last two people left alive on her block.