WEST SEATTLE, Washington, July 19, 2009 (WSFB) – Former Honduran President Manuel Zelaya has refused to remove his trademark Stetson hat as a form of protest against his removal from office by a coup masterminded by his country’s elites.

“They can take me away from my home, but they cannot have my hat” declares Zelaya. “There are two things I do without a hat, and being President of Honduras is only one of them, if you know what I’m saying. I also don’t wear a hat when having relations, and by relations I mean sex with my wife.”

Zelaya’s removal was the result of a coup concocted by Honduran elites who feared he was attempting to change their constitution to allow more than a single term, which is the current limit for presidential tenure.

“We don’t need another Hugo Chavez in Latin America” quips Juan de Llardo, Vice-President of the Honduran Project Management Institute. “One of those guys is enough!”

However, concern is growing about what may lay underneath Zelaya’s Stetson Lakota as two of the four Honduran nuclear warheads have been reported as missing and Zelaya was the last person to guard the shoebox that contained them prior to the coup.

“We’re attempting to rule out all other possibilities” says Jose de Huevos Rancheros, Honduran Minister of Nuclear Affairs. “Right now we are just trying to count these things.”

The Stetson Lakota – a 100% wool cowboy hat with a 4 5/8″ crown and 4″ brim – is large and luxurious enough to conceal two Honduran “el loco” class nuclear warheads while simultaneously providing the style, look, and comfort that only Stetson can deliver. The Lakota and all other publicly available Stetson hats can be found at stetsonhat.com.

Stetson. It fits.