COPENHAGEN, Denmark, December 17, 2009 (WSFB) – Global leaders from all around the globe are meeting today between sessions at the Global Warming / Climate Change / Imaginary Crisis meeting being held in Copenhagen, Denmark today to not only take a break from the frivolity that is discussion illusory weather patterns but also to figure out a way to fix the global economy.

During the ten one-hour sessions, global leaders will discuss ways to return to a “simpler time” when barter and exchangemanship were commonplace.

At the top of the agenda: total elimination of the notion of a customer, and full annihilation of the concept of customer service.

“True equality for everything that’s equal; equality or death” says Fjeld Lendensen of the Scandinavian Haircut Society (who, by the way, only charges $1.00 per side – Scandinavian males only).

Western leaders were not pleased with this plan, brought forward by delegates from Scandinavian countries, but were more open to this plan than those espoused by third world countries that included reparations and “death to everyone with money”.

“We’re mostly interested in getting out from underneath the crushing idea of ‘the customer is always right’, because let’s face it – that’s just not fucking true 100% of the time” says U.S. Delegate Brian Belladonna. “You can please everyone all of the time, but you can sure tell the rest to fuck off.”