What a tool!

WEST SEATTLE, Washington, August 30, 2010 (WSFB) – Most turned out to see the Beck who has charted mega-hits such as Devil’s Haircut, Loser, and Where it’s at (2 Turntables and a Microphone). Still others came to see guitar god/innovator Jeff Beck (Yardbirds, Jeff Beck Group, Rod Stewart…). All were misled, and pissed off. A handful of FOX-watchers aside, the general consensus among the group was “Let’s pelt him with rocks and garbage!” Their anger was directed toword FOX personality Glenn Beck, a “Loser” with a “Devil’s Haircut” to be sure, but only in a literal sense.

“They called this thing ‘Restoring Honor’,” says one disgruntled music fan and free-thinker. “I think ‘restoring HORSESHIT’ would be more appropriate. How about restoring the time I wasted?? Maybe even restoring complete, HONEST advertising? I guess the lack of amplification backline shoulda given it away. Now I have been photographed here @ GB’s 1,000 Moron Goose-step. This could have severe repercussions in my social, professional, family,  and political life!”

While neither artist could be reached for comment, sources close to both artists have expressed no desire whatsoever to be in any way associated with the blow-hard faux-journalist. “Jeff had gone so far as to consider a name change following the last US tour,” says a long time friend.

FOX entertainer Beck got permits specifically for both the anniversary AND location of Reverend Martin Luther King’s iconic “I have a dream” speech. Apparently Beck, too, had a dream… a dream of a richer, whiter, more corporate America… “Restoring Honor,” huh? Is “honor” really what this douche nozzle is attempting to restore? It all seems like a rather transparent to play upon the racist fears of the uneducated masses calling themselves the “tea-party” by lashing out against the current administration at a conveniently high-profile time and location. I contend the only missing honor is faux-journalist Beck’s, which I doubt he ever had to begin with. And is it really newsworthy… or our responsibility to help or observe him attempting to find???

Well, at any rate, the garbage definitely flew at this event.

In closing, I would like to say that for the record I, too, have a dream:

A dream of this FOX jester Beck meeting up with a similar fate as the iconic leader whose most impacting speech’s anniversary and location he has chosen to jack. Not that I would encourage such behavior, but hypothetically say a dude with two first names and a firearm was to find up with Beck, this blogger would not shed a tear.

WEST SEATTLE, Washington, August 30, 2010 (WSFB)

SEAZLEIZM #5:

“As much as I love cats, they’re regrettably little more than glorified vermin…. wild animals traipsing around in domesticated civvies. Bathe a cat or try to clip its toenails and you put your life in its paws.

On the flip side, four little bitty strips of Scotch tape have never been funnier than when attached to the pads on cat’s feet in the kitchen.”

Pete@westseattlefunblog.com

WEST SEATTLE, Washington, August 27, 2010 (WSFB)

SEAZLEIZM #8:

“Protesting en masse is an excellent means by which we, as free Americans, can express our disdain for government policy.

However, I highly recommend putting some thought into your choice of signs. They need to be thought out carefully for content and clarity. You can’t just take the path of least resistance and buy one at the dollar store.

Dumbass.”

Pete@westseattlefunblog.com

He’s domesticated like that.

Today Brent is chilling with friends, learning the fine art of making dill pickles.

The process illustrated by Brent in the following videos has been handed down by generation after generation of cowboy – verbally – and is considered a right of passage for all adult males of the breed.

Let’s watch as Brent and friend navigate their way through this precariously delicate process.

The Pickleduction

Stage Six

Brent Does It Now

Stay tuned to the West Seattle Funblog for future updates and for tips on what you can do to better manage your free time. We’ll find actionable ways for you to feel good about yourself at the end of the day.

Crispness, Flavor, Vibe

It’s easy to find bandwitch to leverage your core competencies and best practices that you bring to the table. We can circle back around later to validate buy-in.

Water Cleanses

This process is a critical path exercise with clear deliverables with no disincent. It’s clean.

Discharge

Once you drill-down and drink the kool-aid, it’s the elevator story of the enabler.

Quality Control And Assurance

Don’t be silly. We needed this face time to gain traction!

It’s In There

It’s a mission critical mindshare. No need to monetize, look at the next steps. Stay lock step with this operational paradigm.

What’s Eating Gilbert Grapeleaf

You know, it’s all about perception – and perception is reality! An action you can take is to proactively peel the onion just a little every day so you can ramp up and reach out in real-time.

The Double Boil

Do something fun for you today. It’s a seamless, scalable solution that will provide you with soup-to-nuts hands-down the best most world-class wetware you’ve ever experienced. It’s a win-win.

MAKE YOUR OWN FUN!

This royal blue 2007 Prius is a steal at $12,850. It doesn’t have a single door ding like most 4-year old vehicles. And with only 22 actual miles on the odometer, you know this baby is clean. This Prius comes with a limited 2-year, 50-mile bumper-to-bumper warranty. All-weather tires (like new) are included.

For ferry schedules and marine weather forecast, please contact Pete Seazle.

Pete@westseattlefunblog.com

WEST SEATTLE, Washington, August 25, 2010 (WSFB) – “Its too close,” says Luigi Linguini of the West Seattle Funblog. “I mean if  you look at the address bar, only one character is different… Obviously, I am a little concerned over what’s going on here.” Linguini’s comments are in reference to emerging news of a new startup: WestseattleFUblog.com, which is being started by a former WSFB contributor who wishes to remain anonymous until this issue is resolved.

“I considered ‘WestSeattlePhónblog.com’, but did not want to be limited to soup,” says the contributor. “I have always been a big proponent of ‘FU’. Ask anyone. They should really get over it. So what if only one character separates our domain names? FU Blogging and Fun Blogging are different things altogether. ”

Indeed, all neighborhoods in our fair city have their own unique ways of issuing an FU, but we feel that WSFB had cornered the market on the Westside style of FU. Whether intentional or not, our posts have been interpreted as ”a big FU“ by enough people that we had established a position as the widely acknowledged purveyors of WSFU here at WSFB. Between the local non-fun blog and this emerging FU blog, we here at WSFB are beginning to feel a bit crowded.

In this reporter’s opinion, it does appear that the new startup is all about issuing FUs, starting with WSFB. It is our position that there should be plenty of FU in FUNBLOGGING to begin with. It is puzzling why someone would feel the need to depart from the WSFB in order to issue an FU.

“If anyone feels that the West Seattle Funblog does not meet their needs in the “FU” department,” asserts Linguini, “I would like to assure all of you that we here at the West Seattle Funblog are recommitting ourselves to putting the FU in FUN!”

We attempted to contact the local non-fun blog, but they could not be reached for comment.

The question we can’t seem to escape here remains, “Is West Seattle big enough for all this FU?”

Not shy.

WEST SEATTLE, Washington, August 24, 2010 (WSFB) – What.

The FUCK!!?

As a musician, I’m no stranger to various styles of music; I listen to many. And even though I’m not a fan of Top 40 or whatever the chart-toppers are called these days, I’m up enough on my pop culture to know who most popular artists are and a bit about them.

I’m no stranger to Lady Gaga and the phenomenal rise to fame she’s currently riding. But I found myself a bit struck reading a review of Lady Gaga’s show at the Tacoma Dome this past Saturday night.

It seems Gaga’s current “xxxxxxx Tour” to promote her latest album, “xxxxxx”, is going to make her $200 million!!!

(Sorry, no time or interest in proper research)

This I did NOT know.

That’s A-Rod money, ferchrissakes. Hell, the Vikings bumped up Brett Favre’s salary 67% to a cool 20 mil to come back for one more run at the Lombardi trophy and that’s only 10% of what she’s making. President Obama makes $400,000 per year, a mere 0.2% of what LG will pull down.

Is this woman so popular that she’s worth that much? Who’s that new young lady making the kids crazy these days? What’s her name? Justin Bieber? Yeah, that’s it. How much does she make?

I was so floored, I actually Googled Gaga….. and I don’t get it.

Sure, she’s has several #1 songs and is (gulp) actually a (gulp) talented musician, of sorts. And busting with showmanship. But damn, people. Really?

Fine. I’ll play along. Who wants to start a shitty band? I’ll need one of you to dress like this.

And I’ll wear this.

Who’s with me?

Pete@westseattlefunblog.com

West Seattle Psychiatric Ward intern Kevin Johnson violated state medical edicts last week when he posted on his personal blog, “Bitches is crazy to start with. And wine makes ‘em crazier! That’s medical science, yo.”

“Men tend to just have a few beers and say stupid shit,” said Johnson a week later. “I’m an excellent example of that and its a known factor in the equation. But women… well, they have a glass of Pinot Noir or a HoneyBush at the Feedback and it’s fucking game on.”

“Men can’t seem to do anything right and there’s NO room for discussion,” finished Johnson. “A liquored man versus a liquored woman is going to be wrong all of the time. The less fair sex needs to understand this and deal with it.”

West Seattle socialite Dah-veed Blanco told us, “Yep, that’s fact right there. But you can work that sweet action.”

“Lookit, the drunker I get, and the drunker they get, the less they seem to care about what comes out of my mouth,” quipped Blanco. “At that point, it’s all about inebriated interpersonal relationships and tight pants.

Yeah, baby. It’s all good.”

Pete@westseattlefunblog.com

Your Horoscope

By Patty Seazle

Capricorn: (Dec 22-Jan 19)

You’re waiting for the day that you can astound your friends with your cleverness. Don’t expect that day to come anytime soon. Romance, however, is in your future as long as you can afford the fee.

Aquarius: (Jan 20-Feb 18)

Aren’t you glad that decided to get knocked up in your senior year instead of going to college? Instead of that nice house, car and decent lifestyle, you have an abusive, pot-bellied drunk. The fact that he has all those tattoos and rides a motorcycle more than makes up for the fact that you live in a trailer with 4 kids.

Pisces: (Feb 19-Mar 20)

Your rich and crazy grandpa has you in his will and has become very demanding. He wants you to visit more, which includes bathing him while he plays with his “old soldier”. Isn’t it about time he had an accident?

Aries: (Mar 21-April 19)

This week all hell breaks loose when those pictures you thought you erased off your computer of you having sex with Loretta “Pork Chop” Borstad are hit by a computer virus and sent to all your email addresses, as well as Facebook and Myspace friends.

Taurus: (April 20-May 20)

You’ll find that the selfish bastard in your sign will keep you from giving money to the homeless woman at the laundromat, no matter how many times she claims she hasn’t eaten in three days. However, your sign’s sexual nature kicks in and you offer her $15 for a hand job while you wait for your clothes to dry.

Gemini: (May 21-June 20)

You’re feeling a little sad this week; let’s face it, you’re a loser. If your whiny-ass, self-indulgent, psycho-self has any friends left, invite them over for a party! If you still aren’t having any fun, don’t worry. You didn’t really piss in the punchbowl before everyone showed up, did you?

Cancer: (June 21-July 22)

You will feel itchy and irritated. Could it be those crabs from the train station toilet? There’s a reason there’s paper liners, moron! Your bad habits get you a spanking, which is weird since it’s Your Mom spanking you and you’re 37 years old.

Leo: (July 23-Aug 22)

If your boss grabs your ass at work, go for it! Getting a raise for putting out is awesome! Start putting out regularly – men, women, donkeys, parking meters… It feels good! You could probably play fireman and get the girls to drink from your hose!

Virgo:(Aug 23-Sept 22)

Bad news! Your Uncle will reveal that he’s not really your uncle, but just a stranger who used to play “What’s in daddy’s pocket” with you. Do you know how much alcohol it would take to black out completely and forget? Google it.

Libra: (Sept 23-Oct 22)

This week, anything is possible… except for you! Start the meds, and as soon as the Xanax kicks in the problems will start to fade away. Its time to close that relationship that’s going nowhere. Sindy Hardcore, the phone sex operator will just have to take NO for an answer!

Scorpio: (Oct 23-Nov 21)

You are the over-sexed group of the zodiac signs, but this last stunt tops them all. Playing “Booty Health Inspector” at the local bars, which involves the ladies removing their clothes so that you can inspect them with your “probe”, may have gotten you lots of tail but also prompts you to call your lawyer. There are lots of booty inspectors in prison!

Sagittarius: (Nov 22-Dec 21)

Oh no, your spouse is coming home and you made a huge mess! Who spilled the cocaine and why is there a dead hooker on the living room floor? Word of advice: Duct tape, garbage bags, and bleach.

Patty Seazle kicks ass during the day and can be found taunting baristas at various Starbuck’s locations county-wide.

Customers Wanted:

The new Na-Il Na-Il Nail Salon at Roxbury and 14th Ave SW now has custom nail graphic artist Lindsay Lohan on staff. She’s revamping her life and wants to take care of your nails, as well as those of Your Mom!

“I’m not quite ready to take on new customers yet, but that day is coming,” said Lohan. “I just need to find my panties first. But Your Mom should call me in, like, a little while?”

Check back in with Na-Il Na-Il in a few weeks or, perhaps, months. This panty location mission thing could take awhile.

Pete@westseattlefunblog.com