WEST SEATTLE, Washington, April 26, 2010 (WSFB) – I’ve been told by My Mom, a devout Christian, that whatever it is you say, you can say the exact same thing without cursing.
Nana Seazle calls them “curse words” and thinks they have no place in the English language. I disagree.
Cuss words, as I call them, are an integral part of how we communicate. They add color and flavor to statements that can otherwise be quite bland. But first, cuss words as stand-alone sentences.
If you’re not haunted by that noun/verb requirement, cuss words can be used all by themselves. Hit your thumb with a hammer? “MOTHER FUCKER!” Have a key account stolen by a co-worker? “COCKSUCKER!” A walk off homer snatches victory from the M’s two days in row? “SONOFABITCH!” The uses are endless!
Fishermen provide an excellent example of using cuss words as adjectives to evoke a sentiment more efficiently. One might say, “That’s a big fish.” Now add a cuss word to this sentence. “That’s a big FUCKING fish” or even “That’s a FUCKING big fish.” Now we’re seeing the fish in terms of Moby Dick. “Yes, sir, that IS a FUCKING big FUCKING fish.” And as most species of fish come in many sizes, this may be the very reason that fishermen cuss more than your average citizen.
Obscenities as adjectives are truly a wonderful thing. One might say someone is a bad driver. How bad? Just saying he’s a bad driver may not adequately cover one’s disdain. “He’s a SHITTY-bad driver.” Now, that covers it.
Most guys can be tools at any given time, hence the statement, “That guys a tool.” But how to distinguish that this man is a bigger tool than most? “That guy’s a COCK-tool.” Yep. Avoid that guy.
But be careful with cuss words. You can’t just go sticking them into sentences at random, thinking you’re adding oomph.
A good example might be, “Don’t be a dillhole.” If you add too much, it becomes, “Don’t be a dill-FUCKING-PICKLE-FILLED ASShole,” which is much different and implies (possibly) false anal fetishes when your intent was to only apply a sense of repulsion.
Other examples of poor cuss word usage that can change the context of a sentence include this CUSS 101 fave: “This is the house.” Poor cuss word insertion might lead one to say, “This is the SHIThouse,” at which point people might lay a deuce on your living room carpet.
Funbloggers tend to cuss a lot, with yours truly no exception. But that’s usually because we’ve been drinking copious amounts of walnut bourbon and we just naturally use profanities in everyday sentences. “Yes, I’d like a MOTHERFUCKING half and half, DICKSUCKIN’ decaf. That SHIT better be PUSSY-hot and make it a grande, BITCH.” But that’s just how we roll.
Cuss with care.
