Wanda (L), Lois (M), Bertha (HOT)

AUSTIN, Texas, April 14, 2010 (WSFB-AC) – Take one part Jo Anne Worley, stir in some Stooges, add a pinch of the lord, a dash of some blasphemous erotica… and you’ve got the hottest all-girl band to hit the airwaves in years!

The Faith Tones!

Known for playing impromptu gigs at hometown Piggly Wigglies, these Arkansas natives can rock the lord like no other bible-beaters can. These whores of wholesomeness don’t just love the lord… they are IN LOVE with the lord.

Said Jesus, “I’m a little uncomfortable with this whole Faith Tones concept. I preach about love and salvation. They sing about latex body gloves and masturbation. I can see how that rhymes though… and I forgive them.”

Since relocating to Austin Texas, the FT’s have cut their debut studio album, “Jesus Uses Me ~ And I Like It!” With Lois Williamson on guitar and lead vocals, Wanda Stepford on drums, and Bertha Baker on bass and washboard, you’ll find garage-band flavors scattered liberally. Hang on to your rosaries as the passionate biblical themes leave you a bit sweaty and confused, chanting “The power of Christ compels you!”

Songs include:

“Jesus, Let’s Get Our Freak On”

“I’m Having a Glorygasm”

“Praising the Kingdom Cum”

“I’ll Lose Gomorrah If You Give Me The Sodom”

And their chart topper,

“Give It To Me Hard, Oh Lord”

Said fan Richard Head after seeing The Faith Tones live at a Emo’s in Austin, “Wait, this is Christian rock? Who the fuck cares. Jesus H. Christ on a popsicle stick, these chicks rock! At least I think they’re chicks, but yeah, they kick ass. [aside] Dude, cock-check…”

This misguided religious fervor is the best music-making surprise since Creed fooled us all into believing they weren’t a Christian band. The Faith Tones are so cool, even Satan likes them.

“I have a nice warm spot in Hell reserved for The Faith Tones,” said the Prince of Darkness. “That Williamson chick looks hot in leather pants right here on Earth. She’ll be smokin‘ in Hell.”

When asked how they are coping with their new home and fame, Lois responded, “Well, we like it here in Austin.  We moved here for three reasons: the music, to find Sugar Weasel and save his soul, and because it’s hot. We need to train for our spot in Hell. Austin’s hot, but at least it ain’t Little Rock. That place sucks Lucifer’s balls.”