Your Horoscope
By Patty Seazle
Capricorn: (Dec 22-Jan 19)
You’re waiting for the day that you can astound your friends with your cleverness. Don’t expect that day to come anytime soon. Romance, however, is in your future as long as you can afford the fee.
Aquarius: (Jan 20-Feb 18)
Aren’t you glad that decided to get knocked up [...]

Your Horoscope
By Patty Seazle
Capricorn: (Dec 22-Jan 19)
You didn’t pay attention all semester, because you were staring down that girl’s shirt. Cramming the night before isn’t going to help you pass the final. Go get hammered! You won’t mind asking “Do you want fries with that?” for the rest of your life.
Aquarius: (Jan 20-Feb 18)
The biggest turn [...]

Your Weekly Horoscope
- by Patty Seazle
Capricorn: (Dec 22-Jan 19)
Word from the bird is saying get rid of the duck-ass, and shoot for the jelly roll, otherwise you need to look into a new hip lid. You fracture me.
Aquarius: (Jan 20-Feb 18)
What’s buzzin’ cousin? Feeling like a fream? Don’t be a lame crumb, quit piling up [...]

Your Weekly Horoscope
- by Patty Seazle
Capricorn: (Dec 22-Jan 19)
If you catch on fire this week, avoid looking in the mirror. I would imagine that would throw you into a panic. Elvis was Cappy, and apparently a hunk, a hunk of burning love.
Aquarius: (Jan 20-Feb 18)
You thrive on love and devotion, and grow sulky when you’re [...]

Your Weekly Horoscope
- by Patty Seazle
Capricorn: (Dec 22-Jan 19)
Cappies generally need a little social lubricant to loosen up, which is why you’re left off the astrological cocktail party list. You’re either totally on or totally off. Watch your obnoxiousness, and I’ll get you into a killer party soon.
Aquarius: (Jan 20-Feb 18)
You love to get sizzled, [...]

Your Weekly Horoscope
- by Patty Seazle
Capricorn: (Dec 22-Jan 19)
You’re having delusions of adequacy, and you’re simply a shiver looking for a spine to crawl up. Try to open your mind without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge. I’ll say something nice next week Cappy, I promise.
Aquarius: (Jan 20-Feb 18)
This week is a circus, and you [...]

Your Weekly Horoscope
- by Patty Seazle
Capricorn: (Dec 22-Jan 19)
You revel in romantic fantasies this week, enjoying your courtships. Add some flare to things and ask Lawrence Welk if you can borrow his bubble machine. Keep your eyes open for lovely Leos and spicy Pisceans this week.
Aquarius: (Jan 20-Feb 18)
The very special Aquarian is ruled by both [...]

Your Weekly Horoscope
- by Patty Seazle
Capricorn: (Dec 22-Jan 19)
I’m glad to see that you’ve slowed down and have made time to smell the roses. Take it easy and don’t let strangers touch you, unless it feels good.
Aquarius: (Jan 20-Feb 18)
Time to focus on the New Year and buckle down. Good things come to those that go for [...]

Your Weekly Horoscope
- by Patty Seazle
Capricorn: (Dec 22-Jan 19)
You’re swinging through this week like a big brass band, so don’t worry about how many zoots it took to make that suit.  Relax, and enjoy some  time for yourself.  At least you’re not re-living those love beads days.
Aquarius: (Jan 20-Feb 18)
Are you hot to trot this [...]

Your Weekly Horoscope
- by Patty Seazle
Capricorn: (Dec 22-Jan 19)
Is the moon rising in your house, or are you just happy to see me? This week your destiny wears the bicycle helmet of a 9 year-old. I suggest getting your Google freak on, reality is way overrated this week.
Aquarius: (Jan 20-Jan Feb 18)
You love water, which [...]