AKRON, Ohio, November 30, 2011 (WSFB) – While it is now being reported worldwide that seven Amish in Ohio are under arrest for hate crime hair attacks, the WSFB has learned through the grapevine, literally, that Amish women are now shaving to show solidarity with the men-folk.
We decided to fly to Akron, Ohio, then rent [...]

BENTONVILLE, Arkansas, November 28, 2011 (WSFB) – To counteract the bad publicity of violence at its stores during last week’s Black Friday sales, Arkansas-based Walmart has started carrying Pepper Spray so it’s shoppers can protect themselves from Walmart shoppers.
“Bitches get crazy,” said Walmart spokeswoman Loquisha Rockefellatio.  ”An Xbox game that usually sells for $60 goes [...]

ATLANTA, Georgia, November 25, 2011 (WSFB) – In a move to update its business practices yet not piss off its Christian-oriented base, fast food chicken monster Chik-Fil-A is going to open it’s doors on Sundays, yet close on Fridays.
Chik-Fil-A has been closed on Sundays since they opened their doors, a practice founded in the Christian beliefs [...]

BLAINE, Washington, November 18, 2011 (WSFB) - Bored by the Penn State scandal and the GOP race, the United States leaned over and asked Canada how it was doing. Canada apparently had much to tell the U.S., but was so shocked by the attention that it merely mumbled, “Nothing.”
Canada and the U.S. haven’t spoken for ages, but according to [...]

WEST SEATTLE, Washington, November 17, 2011 (WSFB) – It doesn’t really seem like anyone from the GOP really WANTS to be president. Oh yes, of course they’re running for the position and have stances and wear suits just like everyone else… but there’s just something missing between their ears.
Herman Cain – good luck buddy! See [...]

WASHINGTON, D.C., September 29, 2011 (WSFB) – In response to The Onion’s satirical article about members of Congress taking schoolchildren hostage for a $12 trillion ransom, members of the Federal Communications Commission’s elite S.W.A.T. unit stormed Onion headquarters and shut down its website.
“There’s no place for humor on Capitol Hill,” said Lieutenant Kevin Johnson, commanding [...]

LITTLE ROCK, Arkansas, July 24, 2011 (WSFB) – Clem Dennison was strolling near East End Park in Little Rock when he stepped in a fresh pile of dog poop someone didn’t bother to pick up. Not only did Dennison soil his sole, he slipped and fell, breaking a hip in the process.
68-year old Dennison successfully [...]

Concord, N.H., July 20, 2011 (WSFB) – “A” is for “America”, and Sarah Palin’s vision for it.
“A” is also for “Another shot”, as in the presidency and Sarah Palin’s hankerin’ for it.
But those two “A’s” do not equal a Triple A, which is what Palin desperately wishes she had when her “One Nation” tour bus [...]

SCOTTSDALE, AZ, July 06, 2011 (WSFB) - Surrounded by her would-be campaign staff and tens of supporters at her Scottsdale, AZ super-secret headquarters, Sarah Palin was in good spirits over the holiday weekend, celebrating the 4th of July and the, “hundred-and-something’th anniversary of the glorious defeat of the British by the Holy Trinity of George Washington, [...]

Nuclear material equal to thousands of Hiroshima bombs is currently floating down the Missouri river on a flaming raft made of balloons and nuclear power plants.