Not shy.

WEST SEATTLE, Washington, August 24, 2010 (WSFB) – What.

The FUCK!!?

As a musician, I’m no stranger to various styles of music; I listen to many. And even though I’m not a fan of Top 40 or whatever the chart-toppers are called these days, I’m up enough on my pop culture to know who most popular artists are and a bit about them.

I’m no stranger to Lady Gaga and the phenomenal rise to fame she’s currently riding. But I found myself a bit struck reading a review of Lady Gaga’s show at the Tacoma Dome this past Saturday night.

It seems Gaga’s current “xxxxxxx Tour” to promote her latest album, “xxxxxx”, is going to make her $200 million!!!

(Sorry, no time or interest in proper research)

This I did NOT know.

That’s A-Rod money, ferchrissakes. Hell, the Vikings bumped up Brett Favre’s salary 67% to a cool 20 mil to come back for one more run at the Lombardi trophy and that’s only 10% of what she’s making. President Obama makes $400,000 per year, a mere 0.2% of what LG will pull down.

Is this woman so popular that she’s worth that much? Who’s that new young lady making the kids crazy these days? What’s her name? Justin Bieber? Yeah, that’s it. How much does she make?

I was so floored, I actually Googled Gaga….. and I don’t get it.

Sure, she’s has several #1 songs and is (gulp) actually a (gulp) talented musician, of sorts. And busting with showmanship. But damn, people. Really?

Fine. I’ll play along. Who wants to start a shitty band? I’ll need one of you to dress like this.

And I’ll wear this.

Who’s with me?

Pete@westseattlefunblog.com

“I remember thinking, ‘now what?’” reminisces My Sister’s Machine drummer, Chris Gohde.

It was the beginning of the end for My Sister’s Machine, one of the bands that crested the savage shark infested wave of the early 1990’s Seattle music scene explosion that saw meteoric rise to fame for some and grim personal loss for others. The band broke up in 1994 and went their separate ways.

Jeff Gilbert was (and still is) involved in the Seattle rock scene and recalls his experience with My Sister’s Machine and the music industry that invaded the Emerald City:

“MSM were never really given the respect they were due, mostly because they were pigeon-holed as being a “grunge band.” During that stupid Seattle music gold rush, bands were being signed up literally on the spot with little thought given on how to market them. MSM was so much better than a lot of those other groups, but the record label either didn’t know it, or didn’t care as they were just looking to cash-in. The drag is if the label just would’ve gotten behind them, MSM would be still be out there making killer records, touring the world and keeping me employed as rock journalist.”

Flash forward to June 2009. The Infamous Joe Dredd starts talking about getting a couple bands together from back in the day, and decides My Sister’s Machine should reunite. “The idea was to do a Slaughterhaus 5 reunion with Tommy. Then I wanted to get another band to play with them so I started talking to the MSM guys and got that ball rolling,” says Joe. “So ‘yes’, it was my idea.”

Taking the suggestion to heart, Chris Gohde, Owen Right (lead guitar), and Chris “Ivan” Ivanovich (bass) began playing together, figuring the time was right. “We were like, ‘this doesn’t sound too bad’,” recalls Gohde.

In early 2010, Gohde, Owen, and Ivan – after several months of playing without a front man – reunited with vocalist/guitarist Nick Pollock. Pleasantly surprised, and with renewed enthusiasm for their past work, My Sister’s Machine was born anew.

Recently, the Funblog had the good fortune to be invited along to check out My Sister’s Machine during rehearsal at Groove Universe where I listened first hand to the incredible synergy and power of their music. I was treated to not only one – but two – full iterations of the set for their upcoming reunion performance at the Layne Staley Tribute and Benefit Concert on August 21st.

“I think the songs sound better now” says Owen.

Gohde agrees, “We’re in a much better headspace.”

To say the least. These guys are completely casual, barely breaking a sweat in the sun soaked room as they worked through each song without interruption.

(The Blue Angels roar overhead outside the old Rainier Brewery. Everyone shuffles around to try and get a glimpse as they speed through the clear Seattle sky. America, Fuck Yeah!)

Also on hand for the rehearsal was Funky Monkey 104.9 DJ, Damon Stewart, who was checking out the band in advance of their guest spot on his Garage Monkey radio program and podcast (August 10, 2010 – Listen online: hour one | hour two). Damon was a fixture in the early 90’s Seattle music scene as a DJ with KISW.

“Damon did a lot for the music scene,” says Gohde. “He’s a huge supporter of Seattle music.”

From a fan perspective, this rehearsal delivered not a single detectable transgression. Everyone was on mark, the sound polished and tight as one would expect from musicians of this caliber. Nick non-nonchalantly reviews and sends text messages from his iPhone while belting out lyrics. Owen expressively shreds the solo. Ivan hammers the bass line as Gohde effortlessly produces pounding beats. The sheer volume of the fully equipped rehearsal left my unprotected ears ringing for hours and tender for days; a price worth paying for bearing witness to a piece of rock history.

Let’s shift gears and check out some media from My Sister’s Machine.

See if you can figure out which local lifelong West Seattle long-haired noble-faired leaping gnome is in this video shackled to a cedar stump (at 2:06):

Fun Fact: The “I’m Sorry” video was shot just off I-90 up on Snoqualmie Pass at the band’s favorite clear cut.

Now, listen to “Sunday” from their first album, Diva. Turn your speakers way up!

Come check out My Sister’s Machine perform live for the first time in 16 years at the Showbox Market on August 21st for the Layne Staley Tribute and Benefit Concert.

This show is going to make you feel like you did something extra cool this summer.

Cooch Pic Not Available

HOLLYWOOD, California, August 18, 2010 (WSFB) – In the wake of her much publicized stint in the hoosegow, Lindsay Lohan is a free member of society and “free-balling” it around Southern California again, so it seems.

TMZ reporter Girth Brooks recently reported, “The Loh-ster is out and about with her coochie hangin’ out and this reporter thinks he might have witnessed a shark sighting.”

Unavailable for comment, Brooks’ assistant clearly stated she didn’t know what the fuck a shark sighting was and that Brooks was  probably trying to get something witty in print that would become a catch phrase, something to impress fellow-blogger, Perez Hilton.

Hilton was not available for comment.

Speculation abounds that Lohan’s stint in California’s Lynwood Jail really didn’t change her much, but alternative scenarios abound.

Said Brooks’ unnamed assistant, “If she’s fully rehabbed like they say she is, then the only logical answer is that her panties were stolen in prison by some husky D-Block resident. Why else would she hit the nightlife scene with all of the paparazzi there snapping pictures if she’s sans-squirrel covers again? She knows they’re watching her, duh.”

Duh, indeed.

Lohan’s PR representative, Kevin Johnson, had this to say. “Look, over there! It’s an African Swallow!”

Asked if Lohan’s short-term travel plans involved Africa, Johnson stated, “I’m not at liberty to discuss anything that may or may NOT occur in Mozambique at this point. But I can say with quite certainty that a certain suitcase is packing certain panties. And I say that with certainty.”

Pete@westseattlefunblog.com

Photo: Seth Wonner

WEST SEATTLE, Washington, August 12, 2010 (WSFB) – On occasion, you hear music from outside the boundaries of your music collection that sparks interest and lends itself an inclination of further study. Many times, the investigation leads to a musical cold case. Not so when it comes to Lincoln Barr and Red Jacket Mine.

Lincoln’s lyrics are lucid without being pretentious. Brief, provocative scriptural overtones make ones ears perk up slightly as you listen to the musical homily. The tunes are melodic and sweet with an often ethereal tone seemingly designed to draw the listener into a dream-like state, where words cascade effortlessly through the soul.

We first met Lincoln back in April when his band Red Jacket Mine played a gig with Nathan Wade and the Dark Pioneers at A Terrible Beauty in Renton. These musical brothers-in-arms delivered a memorable performance, including an astounding cover of Pink Floyd’s Breathe.

The evening was not without ample injections of humor. Lincoln and Nathan passed around witty tidbits, with each feeding off the others innuendo. If memory serves, there were even a few exclamations of “bukkake!” slathered about the latter, post-cocktail consumption set. You can’t beat that with a damn stick.

Recently, Lincoln took some time to oblige the ol’ Funblog with answers to a few questions:

WSFB: Where do you draw your inspiration and motivation for songwriting?

LB: This may seem pathetic, but my sense of self-worth is tied pretty directly to songwriting. When the songs are really rolling, you feel like a golden goose…and when they temporarily dry up, it can leave you pretty low. But they always come back around when you need ‘em. In my clearest moments, I like to look at songwriting more like a trade, rather than a mystical thing – though it can certainly feel that way at its best. It’s more about putting in the time and making space for creativity.

It’s an endlessly fascinating exercise…since my songs don’t have a “message,” or even many stories to speak of, lyric writing seems to be more about fitting the puzzle pieces together and playing with language. I went to school for English, so I’m no stranger to syllable-counting and internal rhyme schemes. While I’ve got no desire to write a sestina ever again, it’s fun to make your own set of rules and set about breaking them.

Musically, I think I’m usually trying to suggest a mood with interesting harmonic choices…for instance, juxtaposing pop or soul/gospel melodies over dissonant chords. Having a band full of great musicians and working with wizards like Ken Stringfellow and Eyvind Kang certainly helps.

WSFB: That’s not pathetic at all. Our sense of self-worth is directly tied to funblogging. When did you first realize you wanted to pursue the musical path?

LB: I’m still not sure I have much musical talent, but I’m so good at the between-song banter, I’ve had to cultivate a bit of musicality to accent my comedy routines. I first picked up the guitar at 13, and started tinkering with writing my own songs in high scool. In college, I finally bought a four-track and started committing my heavily Guided By Voices-influenced pop creations to tape, and shortly thereafter, Red Jacket Mine was born.

WSFB: What holy scripture do you derive your lyrical ecumenical references?

LB: I grew up in what they call the ‘mid-South,’ splitting my time between the Missouri bootheel and northwest Mississippi, where religion is an undeniable part of mainstream culture. I was raised in the Pentecostal church, and while I’m by no means a religious (or even ’spiritual’) adult, I can’t deny the influence the language and imagery of the Bible has had on me. All fairytales and dogma notwithstanding, it’s a serious piece of literature.

That said, my personal holy texts are Robert Gordon’s It Came From Memphis and Big Star’s Third/Sister Lovers.

WSFB: Aha! So you spent a little time straddling the Manson / Nixon line. That’ll build character! What’s are your top 3 Seattle live music venues?

LB: The Crocodile, the Tractor Tavern, and for pure divey splendor and unflagging hospitality, the Sunset Tavern. Neumos is also quite nice.

WSFB: Ah yes, those places on the other side of the bridge. Good venues all! If you could light an instrument on fire at the end of a performance – other than a guitar – what instrument would that be?

LB: I’ve always wanted to see Clarence Clemons playing a flaming saxophone. I’d also love to torch the Dave Matthews Band guy’s fiddle…at the beginning of a performance.

Have a listen to Red Jacket Mine!

Don’t (Settle Your Debts On The Phone) from the album Hello, Old Cloud:

FUNBLOG BONUS! Free download of Red Jacket Mine’s Fascinated from the album Lovers Lookout – HERE.

Lincoln Barr performs solo this Saturday night at Shadowland in West Seattle (9:00PM, 21+ – FREE!).

Come enjoy some adult beverages, delicious food, soothing atmosphere, and a musical performance by this remarkable singer-songwriter.

Tell ‘em Funblog sent you and receive a blank stare.

info@westseattlefunblog.com

Bassist for Bullitt County and Seattle music promoter, Ted Walker took the time to field a few questions from the Funblog on behalf of the rest of the band. This interview might result in Big John Hamhock (founder, lead guitar) piledriving Ted off the back of a flatbed truck while Earl Haikka (guitar) and Ray Pena (drums) watch, but that’s a risk he’s willing to take.

Belly up to the rail and shotgun some of what Ted’s cookin’!

WSFB: Tell our readers about Bullitt County; when / how did the band get together?

TW: This incarnation of BC has been together a couple of months now. Big John was scanning the King County Jail release records one day as he’s prone to do, and noticed the three of us all made bail on the same day and figured it was a sign.

WSFB: On Bullitt County’s MySpace page there’s a defining passage that reads, “..the bastard offspring of rednecks and punks, of hillbillies and headbangers…” – sounds like our family (Mom’s side is all Okies and Arkies, crazies, boozers, dopers, preachers, and cowboys). Is there a difference between rednecks and hillbillies? If so, what’s the defining feature?

TW: I see where you’re going with this line of questioning “Luigi”, and frankly I’m a little disappointed in y’all. We don’t label people anymore. We treat both the rednecks AND the hillbillies equally, that is to say as long as they show up to the shows, buy our CD’s, and shower us with rounds and rounds of good whiskey, then they are our brothers. [sometimes literally]…By the way, how is Your Mom? Tell her I said hi.

WSFB: So the Cornbread Ball is coming up and Bullitt County is on the bill. How did the band get involved in this event?

TW: Big John lost a bet. Best to leave it at that. Actually Big John has a big heart, and the Cornbread Ball is a way for folks to give back to those who may have been hit hard by the Bush Recession, and could use a little help with supper right about now.

WSFB: While I’m writing this email I’ve got “Two Bottles of Tequila” playing in the background. Is it just me, or am I detecting a little Hunter S. Thompson influence in the lyrics? Nobody sings about LSD or salt shakers full of cocaine anymore. Is HST a literary influence for Bullitt County? Has the band ever had a “Fear and Loathing” experience?

TW: The Good Doctor is indeed one our biggest guiding influences. We spent many a night at Owl Farm learning the finer points of overindulgence and blowing up things. The fact that Hunter checked out on my birthday really pissed me off though. He never could just give me that one day to myself. He HAD to upstage me again.

As to the second part of your question, I simply refer you back to the previously mentioned bail hearings…..

WSFB: If Big John Hamhock was a vegetarian, what would his nickname be?

TW: Did PETA put you up to this? Since when did the West Seattle Funblog become a mouthpiece for the fringe left?…. That’s just silly. Everyone knows the only vegetable Big John has ever met was some corn in his sour mash. Unless we’re counting that time he was introduced to Ronald Reagan

WSFB: If Bullitt County could run over any other band with their van / car / truck / bus, what band would that be? Would you take their equipment and use it, or would you sell it all to get hookers and blow?

TW: That’s easy. GUNS OF NEVADA. Those bastards have been a real burr in our saddle since day one. They get all the cool gigs, and they beat us out of our Grammy last year. In fact Guns of Nevada kept us from solving world peace as well as convinced the Florida Supreme Court to stop the recount in 2000. They’re bullies who steal our beer money and make out with our wives while we’re onstage. Crosswalk or not, there wouldn’t be a skidmark in sight.

WSFB: Tits or ass: which is more useful?

TW: Not sure yet, I’ve seen your tits but we got sidetracked before I could get a good look at that moneymaker of yours.

You better not miss Bullitt County at the Cornbread Ball this Saturday. You’ve been warned.

Want to know about fun shit happening in your community? Visit the Events and Funmanship page and stay regular.

info@westseattlefunblog.com

Sometimes we have to be told there’s something wrong with our patient. This is one such case.

Leigh Bezezekoff, Manager for Brent Amaker and The Rodeo, sent  us this message over the funwire advising of the Save Tiny Dancer benefit concert coming up August 14th:

In a bizarre and unprecedented turn of events Brent Amaker and the Rodeo guitarist Tiny Dancer was injured in a segway accident over the Fourth of July holiday which resulted in a broken leg and subsequent surgery. Details are murky at best but we are told that Tiny Dancer may have been “sexting” at the time.

Like many musicians, Tiny Dancer does odd jobs to pay the bills between touring and does not have health insurance. It is likely that he will receive some money from the state of Washington to help cover medical costs but Tiny Dancer has to be off his feet for three months to recover from a serious tibial fraction and won’t be able to work to cover rent and other expenses.

We have encouraged Tiny Dancer to apply for assistance through the MusiCares Foundation which helps musicians in times of need. One of the tenants to be eligible for this is to be a credited musician on widely released material for at least five years. Tiny Dancer’s tenure with the Rodeo (who have released albums in the US and Europe and have completed several North American and European tours) should qualify him along with his prior work as bassist for the Boss Martians; but his previous bands The Levitations and Stagger Lee did not yield completed albums despite their regional success.

We here at Camp Rodeo are grateful for The Sunset Tavern, poster artist Simon Young, BAR’s label Spark & Shine Records, The Stranger and of course the bands donating their time and showing their support for Tiny Dancer during this difficult time. Please join NighTraiN, The Young Evils, Daniel G. Harmann & The Trouble Starts, and Lady Krishna’s Peppermint Lounge at The Sunset for a night of great music we hope will get Tiny Dancer back on both feet and dancing again.

Until then,

Please Stand By

Brent Amaker and the Rodeo will be performing at the 40th annual Bumbershoot Music Festival on Monday September 6th featuring Tilson (The Saturday Knights) and “Nurse” Bunny Monroe who will attend to Tiny Dancer. Their album release party will be Friday October 22nd. Details forthcoming.

You can find all the details surrounding the August 14th benefit here on the Funblog’s Events & Funmanship page.

Support your Tiny Dancer!

WEST SEATTLE, Washington, July 22, 2010 (WSFB) – We believe the youth are the future, and the future is now and comes in the form of The Vallar.

This power-quad musical force recently took first place in the Northwest Music Scene’s “Top 5 on Friday”. Votes are tallied based on fan’s responses to the Facebook-centric contest, and the boys raked ‘em in by the bucket load showing they’ve got a growing, dedicated fan base that will stick their proverbial social media neck on the line to demonstrate their fanmanship.

The Vallar took time to respond to the patented Funblog Questions Five – let’s eat!

WSFB: The Vallar has a rather mature sound for such a young group of guys. How long have the guys been playing?

TV: Ha Ha thanks we really aren’t that young!  Jason is the old man of the group. He plays bass and is 26 and pretty much is his instrument of choice!    Jairus is 21 and is the lead guitarist. He has always been involved in rock and contemporary music throughout his life.    The youngest in the band is Jordan! He is 16 He is the Lead singer and plays rhythm guitar. Jordan has been playing guitar for 4 years. The Vallar has been together for about 4 months. Crazy in the 4 months we have been together things have really come together.  We have a tour scheduled for August, recording our 1st CD and have been on the Radio!

WSFB: Sounds like Jordan was home schooled. Was there an emphasis on music in your home school curriculum or was this purely a hobby and aside from schoolwork?

TV: Music was part of my home schooling.  I took guitar lessons as part of my school. It was really cool I pretty much played guitar all day and wrote music, my parents would allow me to do music and work my schooling around it.

WSFB: You guys are young but clearly you have talent. If you were faced with an imminent velociraptor attack, what would you do and why?

a) Try to run away despite knowing velociraptors can run much faster than humans.
b) Find a place to hide.
c) Accept your fate and be ravaged by the pack.
d) Fight back. Never surrender. Never give up even if it means you’ll be consumed whole.

TV: Definitely “D”. Everyone knows you poke ‘em in the eyes!!

WSFB: In the 1978 martial arts masterpiece – “Drunken Master” starring Jackie Chan – Jackie plays a cocky and talented youngster with martial art skill and a maturity deficit that holds him back from being the best martial artist in his village. After being disowned by his father and having no place to live, conning people into buying him food and providing him shelter, and fighting for his very life, he meets Drunken Master who shows him the way of the wrist and helps him regain his honor.

Who is your Drunken Master?

TV: The Very Esteemed Reverend Doctor Joseph David Wiles, D.M., R.D., Minister of Rock and Roll AKA  Joe Wiles @ the Rock & Roll Conservatory in Auburn http://www.myspace.com/rnrconservatory

WSFB: Name the venue you’ll play and realize you’ve “made it”.

TV: The Radio City Music Hall – Jason

The Madison Square Garden – Jairus

Sydney Opera House – Jordan

Come on out to the Showbox at the Market Saturday July 24th, and see The Vallar perform live right before your very eyes. Support local music – you’ll be glad you did!

Got an event, show, performance, etc. you’d like to share with the world as we know it? E-mail us: info@westseattlefunblog

Brad PITT-Pitt (L); Brad Pitt-PITT (R)

HOLLYWOOD, California, July 21, 2010 (2010) – In celebrity news, Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie are both officially single again as Brad Pitt announces he’s dating himself.

“Certain films were right for me when I was in my ’20’s,” said Pitt-Pitt. “But now, as I (diving hand motion) delve into my forties, those same types of scripts just don’t catch my eye. I have to really look at myself as a man and find what it is that really moves me at this point in my career.”

Aniston, quite used to Pitt-Pitt’s waffling over the last few years, took a moment to talk the West Seattle Funblog about her sudden separation again.

“I’m just glad I can walk around the house without freaking my own shit out,” she said. “It was like a goddamn funhouse with all of the mirrors all over the place.”

PITT-Pitt could not be reached for comment, while Pitt-PITT representatives said (s)he’d call us back.

(Editor’s Note: Angelina Jolie declined our request for interview on the grounds that her hands were filled with foreign-born babies.)

Pete@westseattlefunblog.com

Photo: Iron Mike Savoia

WEST SEATTLE, Washington, July 10, 2010 (WSFB) – Gunner and the boys hit the California stage today at 1:45PM, then they take a break for a few cool ones before blowing the doors off Shadowland around 10:00PM.

If you’re tired of all the fluff and bullshit the world has to offer and you’re looking for someone to look you in the eye and just tell you like it is, then you’re the perfect candidate for getting Gunned Down.

Gunn and the Damage Done is rock-n-roll served straight up. No gimmicks. No bullshit.

Tommy Gunn took some time to sit down with the ol’ Funblog and respond to the now infamous Funblog Questions Five.

WSFB: If someone says to you “Fuck West Seattle”, what’s your response?

Gunner: Go back to Capitol Hill.

WSFB: What’s your best West Seattle memory?

Gunner: Eating ice cream at Husky Deli, shopping for records at Easy Street, and drinking at the Maha.

WSFB: If 4 out of 5 dentists prefer Trident, what West Seattle food or beverage would you pick?

Gunner: Mission, hands down. Great food!!

WSFB: Jeff Gilbert. Man or Mythical Beast?

Gunner: Mythical beast!!!

WSFB: Everybody loves Alki. What do you hate about it?

Gunner: No stores to buy anything, let alone beer.

The Idöls reinvent heavy metal as we know it, returning to a [recently] bygone era of tactical musicianship absent from the contemporary metal scene. Blazing leads and complex harmonies coupled with pounding rhythm and jarring vocals come together to form the musical equivalent of Voltron, Defender of the Universe; a huge and powerful Luciferian machine that lays to waste all foes and pussies. Every Idöls song feels familiar but remains unique. Each track is an unashamed slap in the face that compels the listener to look up, stand proud, step up to – and cross over – the line.

It feels so good to know that Satanic verse lives and breathes in its true form in this current era, and that Anton LaVey’s work didn’t follow him to the grave. LaVey, the Father of Contemporary Satanism and founder of the Church of Satan, subscribed to the notion, “there is a beast in man that needs to be exercised, not exorcised”.

We couldn’t agree more. Go exercise your inner beast and call us in the morning.

Idöls Rizz and Diamond took some time out of their busy day of harvesting souls and carving pentagrams into human flesh to answer our Beelzebub Approved Questions Six:

WSFB: If someone says to you “Fuck West Seattle”, what’s your response?

Rizz: I punch people in the fucking face.

Diamond: Look the fuckin’ fuck out!

WSFB: What’s your best West Seattle memory?

Rizz: Some of my best memories I can’t remember.

Diamond: I’d have to agree with that.

WSFB: If 4 out of 5 dentists prefer Trident, what West Seattle food or beverage would you pick?

Rizz: The mighty Zippy’s burger, maybe Jak’s Grill.

Diamond: I drive from Beacon Hill to get a fucking Zippy’s burger!

WSFB: Jeff Gilbert. Man or Mythical Beast?

Rizz: Both.

WSFB: Everybody loves Alki. What’s one thing you hate about it?

Rizz: Either the cops or the pricks that move in across the street from a public park like a beach that get pissed off because people go there.

Diamond: Fuck??

WSFB: If you were to want to get stoned and do crafts in your basement, would you do it in Portland or West Seattle? Why?

Rizz: By crafts, do you mean growing or cooking more stuff to get stoned with, performing black masses, or conducting large out of control orgies? Regardless, West Seattle kicks Portland’s ass in all of these areas so….

Come witness Damned Souls as they rise from Hell and watch families flee the Junction with children in tow when the Midnight Idöls hit the California Stage during West Seattle’s one true Satanfest celebration this Friday at 7:45PM!

HAIL STAN!