All Franco indeed. “Well I’m not surprised at all,” said Franco’s agent, “James had two movies released, hosted the Oscars, and is getting his Ph.D at Yale. In fact as we speak I’m setting up another photo shoot where the photographer takes pictures of him sleeping. People seem to like that.”

Franco could not be reached for comment, but we did get word from former New York media darling Chloe Sevigny, who offered, “Oh I’m happy for James. I of course didn’t have superhero movies to sustain my artistic freedom, and had to work my way up through Harmony Korine films, but aside from that we’re practically the same. I wish him the best.”

For more from Chason Gordon, check out his website at literallyhumor.com and follow him at twitter.com/chasongordon.  LIKE him, if you dare, on Facebook here.  <— click that!

GLAAD Secretary Sheila is often mistaken for Ellen Degeneres, sometimes Owen Wilson

HOLLYWOOD, California, November 21, 2011 (WSFB) - After Brett Ratner resigned from hosting The Academy Awards due to outrage over his alleged anti-gay remarks, AMPAS (the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences) decided to make things simpler by just letting GLAAD (Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation) host the Oscars.

“We could look for another producer and host,” said Tom Sherak, president of the AMPAS, “but GLAAD might get mad again, so hey, it’s their show.”

Many are wondering how GLAAD’s involvement will affect the broadcast, but president Mike Thompson is very confident. “We’ve got a great sense of humor over here at GLAAD. Sheila, our secretary, is a riot. We thought of hiring a professional comedian to host, like Ellen DeGeneres or Margaret Cho, but decided our board members could handle it. If we can advance LGBT rights, we can tell a joke.”

Changes expected to be made include eliminating the gender distinctions implied in the “Actor” and “Actress” categories, and instead having one gender neutral “Art of Pretending” category. As well, the Oscar statuette will be changed from the classic knight holding a sword, to a mythological chiasma containing all forms of genitals. That way no one will feel left out.

When asked what he has in mind for the musical number, Thompson merely smiled and said, “It will be the greatest thing you’ve ever seen.”

For more from Chason Gordon, check out his website at literallyhumor.comand follow him at twitter.com/chasongordon.  LIKE him, if you dare, on Facebook here.  <— click that!

Nigel Tufnel, dead at 63, of an apparent self-inflicted ear infection to the head.

Made famous in Marty DiBergi’s 1984 rockumentary, This Is Spinal Tap, Tufnel was most well known as the man with the amp that went to eleven.

Even those who were not fans of Spinal Tap’s breed of sex-metal knew Tufnel as the brain and mouth behind, “It’s one loudah, idnit?”

Fans around the globe have been promoting Nigel Tufnel Day on November 11th, 2011 for the last several years in rock blogs and on social networking sites.  The irony of his passing on this very day was not lost on his fellow bandmates.

Derek Smalls, longtime bass player for Spinal Tap, remarked on the actual day of passing. “As you can see, Nigel has already been buried. He really died a week ago, on the 4th, but we weren’t about to let that muck up his bloody special day. So true to form, in terms of weeks, Nigel lived one longah.”

In anticipation of Nigel Tufnel Day, record stores around the world have been loading up on Spinal Tap’s masterpiece, Smell The Glove.

“The original album cover was much too controversial for the early 1980’s market,” said Kevin Johnson, S&M Director for the band’s own label, Stink Digit Records. “But times have changed. We’ve re-released the album with the original artwork, and it now serves as a tribute to the man, his amp, and the glove.”

“He was really looking forward to this day,” said fellow guitarist David St. Hubbins. “He’d been working tirelessly on his new amplifier line and was going to unveil it to the world’s eardrums today. It’s called The Disciple because it goes to 12. It’s one loudah yet again, idnit?”

“Bloody revolutionary, actually,” quipped DiBergi, who’s not British.

“Who knew that final sound check would be the thing that killed him,” St. Hubbins added with a dry eye.

Pete@westseattlefunblog.com

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Said Braid Paisley, Caucasian, “Now, don’t y’all go quotin’ me on this. I like Darius and all, but if Charlie Pride hadn’t won that Equal Opportunity Employment lawsuit in the ’70’s, he’d probably still be eating blowfish, wearing Vans, and diddlin’ sorority girls.”

Hell, he might still be.

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London, Great Britain, October 12, 2011 (WSFB) – Former Beatle heartthrob Paul McCartney, now roughly 185 years old, married Nancy Shevell October 9 in London.  She is of the Jewish faith while McCartney was baptized a Roman Catholic.

A wedding insider told the WSFB that Nancy’s parents were overheard to say, “Oy vey. You couldn’t find a nice Jewish boy? A doctor maybe?’”  The insider also told the WSFB that McCartney always had a twinkle in his eye for Shevell, but was overheard saying, “What could I do? When I married Linda, Nancy was only 9 years old.”

“Now that McCartney is no longer with Heather Mills, he felt Nancy was a ‘Shevell-ready project’”, the insider said, adding, “This may just be a practice run for Paul. We think he is working up the nerve to ask Yoko for her hand.”

After losing Heather’s leg, this might not be a far reach for Paul.

To date, former Idols Russ and Dan have considered a number of names, none of which has stuck. Out of frustration, the emerging band is turning to metal fans and WSFB for the assist.

The musical style is more or less the same as the Idols’ mixture of classic NWOBHM sounds a’ la Maiden, Priest, Dio era Sabbath, Diamond Head, AngelWitch, and Saxon… only expanded to include a bit more West Coast and Bay Area thrash a’ la SLAYER, Exodus, Metal Church…

Names already considered include:
Devil’s Playground
Born Again
Carl Panzram (Carl Panzram Experience)
Abra Cadaver
Cadaver Dogs
Biggus Dickus
Among others.
Your assistance is desperately needed. Please post your name ideas to this Blog entry, and we will compile a short list of front-runners from which a name will be selected… possibly by reader poll.

Or…

We could just go with Biggus Dikkus?

You need to join in a most excellent time this Friday at the Skylark Cafe located on Delridge in beautiful West Seattle for a fucking radical show featuring the bands Toward Distant Suns, Mystery Ship, Ape Machine and Man Rockwell.

Here are some details and links.  More to follow on the Funblog as we get closer to the date of the show.  Come and listen to these killer bands, party with your friends from the West Seattle Funblog and take a trip into Hyperspace on-board your own personal Millennium Falcon.

Skylark Show Facebook Event Page

Toward Distant Suns Facebook Page

Mystery Ship Facebook Page

Ape Machine Band Page

Man Rockwell Facebook Page

We here at the Funblog have learned that this explanation is actually a diversion meant to distract his constituents from the REAL reason for his absence: making a cameo in the Farrelly Brothers’ “There’s Something About Mary II“, starring Cameron Diaz, Justin Timberlake, Dick Trickle, and Your Mom.

Weiner’s script package is a small one, albeit critical to the storyline, said production crew insiders on the condition of anonymity. Weiner is reprising the role of Warren, Mary’s younger brother. His appearance is tentatively set for midway through the film, with lines that also were used in the original film.

In the scene, “Warren” gets separated from Mary on the University of Miami’s campus. Lost and confused, Weiner approaches hottie little coeds and asks, “Have you seen my wiener?” much to the hilarity of test audiences.

Said co-star Cameron Diaz, “It’s an honor to work with Weiner on this film. He brings a certain cockiness to the set and has the balls to dig deep, really convey the need for you to look at his penis.”

“I’ve never delved into method acting,” said Diaz. “But I’m going to prioritize it now. I could learn much from showing the world my vagina.”

Pete@westseattlefunblog.com

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