Dear WTF:
I don’t like people. I have a secret desire to carry around a toy gun just to whip out and scare them off. What do you think?
Annoyed
Dear annoyed,
Excellent idea. Be sure and get one that looks as realistic as possible. Find a crowded public place and wave it about in an “I’m crazy”, but [...]

Dear WTF:
Due to the tragic Killer Whale trainer death, I am literally terrified of all fish now. I find myself afraid of feeding my goldfish for fear that they will jump out and rip my face off. What should I do?
Missy
Listen Missy,
Don’t be ridiculous. It was a fucking KILLER whale for christ’s sake. When someone gets [...]

Dear WTF,
Is it wrong to think you are falling for your advice columnist? She is abusive and has none of life’s answers, but doesn’t give a shit. What is love anyway? I thought it was lust with an emotional attachment. Am I wrong? Do I need therapy?
Help me, please.
Dear Help,
Here’s what I tell clients when [...]

Dear JT,
I have a very close friend that is having a birthday on Wednesday. I want to throw her a big ass party, but don’t think she’s the type that would go for it. Should I get her a box of cigars instead? Any other ideas?
Best,
Gifts Are Glorious?
Dearest G.A.G. (me),
I’m going to assume this question [...]

Dear WTF,
I know as a dog owner that dog’s anal glands need to be expressed, but I refuse to do it. It’s gross. Should I try and get a boyfriend for the sole reason of exchanging sexual favors for doing that nasty chore for me?
Desperate
Dear Desperate,
How long have you been a straight female? Although it’s [...]

Dear JT,
I have a friend who has lost a TON of weight on some new diet. The diet involves eating 300 calories a day and injecting herself with saliva from elderly feral cats. I know it sounds kinda barbaric, and maybe even a little gross, but ….. she’s lost like 40lbs in a month and [...]

JT
My boyfriend wants to go out for seafood and I’m in the mood for a little Italian. He won’t even consider my choice and it seems like I’m the one who always has to give in. Every night we seem to get in a fight about the same stupid thing. I’m really [...]

Dear JT,
I have really had it with people that feel the need to text while they drive.   I was coming up to an intersection the other day, and there was a woman sitting at the green light with her phone in  her hand texting away.   I honked and slammed on my brakes which [...]

Dear WTF:
Is it unethical to spike someone’s food with Viagra to get him interested in me?
Hungry for lovin’
Dear Hungry,
Absolutely. Not. Although, do you actually know any men who wouldn’t willingly take Viagra? Between the current street price and the number of über drunks in this crowd needing them, I would imagine they’re quite popular. And how [...]

Dear JT,
I keep seeing Facebook friends join a group saying they don’t want to pay a $3.99 monthly fee. I like FB as much as the next fucktard (w sea celebrity, for example), but I’m not really sure how I feel about being charged. If they allowed porn, it’d be a no-brainer. Are you going [...]