NEW YORK, New York, December 14, 2009 (WSFB-AC) – Fox News’ commentator Glenn Beck has single-handedly disproved the theory of evolution by simply existing.
Evolution was a theory held by most scientists around the world that modern man evolved over millennia through a process of mutation and natural selection. The conventional wisdom was that a [...]
LOS ANGELES, California, December 11, 2009 (WSFB-AC) – Scooby Doo, the famous puppy actor of the 1970’s and 80’s, is facing a mystery even he may not be able to solve. Scooby is fighting a thirty year addiction to Scooby Snacks, and will be appearing on the VH1 television show Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew [...]
GAINESVILLE, Florida, December 04, 2009 (WSFB-AC) – The University of Florida’s Tim Tebow has won virtually every award a college athlete can win: the Heisman Trophy, The Maxwell Award, Player of the Year, the Davey O’Brien Award, the Manning Award, the Disney Spirit Award, the highly coveted Wuerffel Trophy, and is a finalist for the [...]
AUSTIN, Texas, December 03, 2009, (WSFB-AC) – U.S. Representative Kevin Johnson (R-Austin) formally endorsed fellatio this week during a speech he delivered to the National Organization for Women. “Martin Luther King once said ‘the time is always right to do that which is right’,” Johnson told the crowd. “I am here with you today because [...]
PORTLAND, Oregon, December 02, 2009, (WSFB-AC) - Fish & Wildlife Department officials in the forests outside of Portland, Oregon have a problem. Deep in the woods, on the topmost branches of an alder tree, a crazy fucking owl has been sucking on a Tootsie Pop® for almost forty years.
Says department spokesman Kevin Johnson, “We’ve never seen [...]
THE VATICAN, Italy, November 30, 2009, (WSFB-AC) – In a move that surprised Catholics and users of rhetorical questions around the world, Pope Benedict XVI announced today that he has vacated his position as the worldwide leader of the Catholic Church and Bishop of Rome and has converted to the practice of Voodoo.
The previous Pontiff will [...]
SAN FRANCISCO, California, November 30, 2009 (WSFB-AC) – Recent evidence has surfaced proving once and for all what we have long suspected about the game of soccer: it’s here, and it’s queer.
Theories of soccer’s homosexuality first surfaced in 1983 when then 9th grader Kevin Johnson skipped the school basketball tryouts in favor of the fledgling [...]
DENVER, Colorado, November 25, 2009 (WSFB-AC) - In its most ambitious green program to date, the City of Denver, Colorado launched its new “Recycle Your Baby” campaign early this week.
Says Denver Mayor Kevin Johnson, “We all know that recycling is one of the easiest things we can do to fight global warming and reduce greenhouse emissions. [...]
WASHINGTON, D.C., November 20, 2009 – (WSFB-AC). As healthcare reform legislation threatens to bog down in the murky depths of Senate committees, President Obama surprised many analysts on Wednesday when he announced his new strategy.
“Oh fuck it,” Obama said during a speech to elementary school students in South Korea as part of his trip through [...]
NEW YORK, New York, November 19, 2009 (WSFB-AC) - After weeks of investigation and speculation, the United Nations issued a preliminary report concluding that Belarus is, evidently, a country.
The controversy began in early October at the United Nations General Assembly when Belarus was erroneously identified as the caterer instead of a sovereign republic.
“It is a regrettable [...]
