Dear Reader(s),
As you know, today 4/20, is an official West Seattle Funblog holiday. In honor and celebration of this most sacred of days, there will be no traditional WTFWJTD column. There was never going to be one. I don’t like you enough to write two days in a row. But a back-up lie is always [...]

Dear JT,
I have a few Jesus-freak friends. I try to get along with everybody, I don’t judge, I just don’t want to HEAR about “The Lord” and how basically every fucking thing I do is a sin. I mean, it’s always “Quit stealing candy from those bins in the grocery store” and “Don’t cheat on [...]

Dear JT,
I just finished my taxes and am expecting a healthy little check in the near future. I’m considering a few options for what to do with the money. I could get my deck replaced. I could sock it away for a rainy day. Or I could take Sugar Weasel to Vegas and blow it [...]

Dear WTF:
I have a secret crush on a local male escort that dresses up as a clown. Naked, G-string, clown paint, the whole get-up. I find him strangely attractive. Could this be due to my past failed relationships?
Curious
Dear Curious,
Everyone is fucking attracted to Sugar Weasel. Were you thinking this makes you special? Half of your [...]

Dear WTF,
I like to joke around and play the slut role. However, people are starting to take me seriously. How do I let these people know that I am NOT a slut? I charge for my services?
Miss Understood
Dear Miss Understood,
I find the best way to understand a problem is to dig in deep and get [...]

Dear WTFWJTD:
Why do you insist on using that horrific picture for your column? I don’t know what you look like exactly, although apparently we’ve had sex before, but I’m pretty sure you look nothing like that. And why the pointing fingers? It is really creeping me out. It’s scary. Couldn’t you just use a cute [...]

Dear WTF,
My friend is demonstrating violent tendencies and is in need of immediate sedation. How should I go about protecting her from herself and others w/out needles or padded cells?
Sincerely,
Scared
Jesus, Scared. I get told that at least once a day and you know what I say: “♪ come a little closer, now don’t be shy [...]

Dear WTFWJTD:
I am a mother of a teenager. Not being a conventional parent, I have been known to frequent local dives, have a few (ok 10) drinks and occasionally perform some bad karaoke and once in a while flash my boobs at the audience. But only once in a while. The problem is, this is a small town. Too [...]

wtfwjtd,
What am I doing wrong??
Sincerely,
Seriously, what?
Dear SW,
I love this kind of thought provoking question. Topical, informative subject matter. Descriptive background information. Multiple options to a potentially volatile issue. Compelling emotional plea.
It’s these occasions that really challenge my intellect and drive me to seek out new life and new civilizations; to boldly go where no woman has gone before. Perhaps, [...]

Dear WTF,
I have a strange desire to go from blonde to brunette. I know that blondes have more fun, but brunettes remember it later. I’ve also heard brown goes down. So, I’ve been trying to weigh the pros and cons but I am having trouble keeping score. Which hair color do you think I should [...]