Dear JT:
I hate the new app that displays on Facebook where the fuck everyone is going …. so and so just checked into the grocery store. Why do they think we fucking care and is there a way to tell them to shut up? Would a nice piece of FB flair that says WHO CARES… suffice?
Fed [...]

JT,
How can I contain this large, massage oil spill in Lincoln Park’s Colman pool? It is injuring wildlife, but the birds are really getting off together -so I’m quasi-reluctant to contain the spill. Your thoughts?
Slippery When Wet
Dear SWW,
Yes, I’m sure you are “quasi-reluctant”. As in, when they find out you’re the one who leaked K-Y Intense [...]

Dearest JT,
The other night I had my first nocturnal emission since I was a kid. Let me clarify: one that I didn’t cause by myself. Is this unusual for someone who is well past 30?
Brgds,
Solo Wet Spot
Dearest Hands Solo,
I do not want to hear about your emissions. Not those during the day, not at night, not alone, [...]

JT,
I am looking for a job. Would it be wrong in this day and age of huge unemployment and massive competition in the jobmarket, to just come right out and say I will provide sexual favors?
Desperately Seeking
Dear DS,
I was once responsible for hiring employees for a company. I can tell you right up front, in [...]

To Whom It May Concern (including JT; excluding everyone else):
Where. The Fuck. Are you?!!!!
This is the biggest week in the history of the funblog and you’re nowhere to be found. We’re opening the door for KEXP and their Hood to Hood 2010 event, IN OUR OUR VERY OWN FUCKING BACK-FUCKING MOTHERFUCKING YARD!!!! Because West Seattle [...]

Dearest JT,
I missed Saturday Night Live this past weekend, but all I’m hearing on FB this week is Betty White this and Betty White that. Now, don’t get me wrong, I like Betty White, but she’s no Bea Arthur. That bitch had nice cans.
Can you explain the Betty White hype?
Thanks,
In a Maude Mood
Dear MM,
Fuck if [...]

Wtfwjtd,
My dumb boyfriend says all lesbians like stickers and pets, but I think they just like beaver. What do you think?
Curious
Dear Curious,
This the kind of thing that keeps you awake at night? Pets I can see, I guess. Never met a lesbian that didn’t have one or ten roaming around the house. I think it’s [...]

Dear JT,
I sometimes find myself playing air guitar on my leg while driving, which is fun, but a trucker once saw me and made fun of me. Do I need to break this bad habit?
Guitar Hero
Dear GH,
Unless this is a euphemism for whipping your dick out in traffic, this is by far one of the more [...]

Dear WTF:
While listening to one of my favorite Carpenter’s songs… I noticed that one of the lyrics is: “Why do birds suddenly appear, every time… you are near….” BUT: I have also seen “The Birds” by Alfred Hitchcock and so am confused as to the message here. Can you help?
Confused
Dear Confused
I’m in a really bad [...]

Dear Reader(s),
As you know, today 4/20, is an official West Seattle Funblog holiday. In honor and celebration of this most sacred of days, there will be no traditional WTFWJTD column. There was never going to be one. I don’t like you enough to write two days in a row. But a back-up lie is always [...]