WASHINGTON, D.C., January 27, 2012 (WSFB)  - According to a recent report, President Obama is so engrossed with the republican primaries that he’s forgotten all his responsibilities as Commander in Chief.
“He spends all day watching Fox News,” said White House press secretary Jay Carney, “we’re a little worried. I keep telling him he has to [...]

MACLEAN, Virginia, January 20, 2012 (WSFB) – It was discovered today that Newt Gingrich literally constructed his own moral universe, mostly built out of mirrors, birch bark, and headshots.
“It’s amazing,” confirmed one reporter, verifying the find. “When you walk inside, it’s impossible to be wrong. No matter where you stand, you always have the moral [...]

SEATTLE, Washington, January 16, 2012 (WSFB) - A serial killer visiting from out of town cannot decide which hotel on Aurora Avenue would best suit his needs. “There’s just so many options,” said Bo Milton, known to authorities as The Ice Pick Kid. “A lot of the hotels are in such bad shape they let renters [...]

WEST SEATTLE, Washington, January 11, 2012 (WSFB) – Local resident Chad Harper was looking to buy medical marijuana the other day, but found himself hitting a wall. “I was just so confused by the pot laws here. I don’t know which dispensaries are authorized, how much pot I’m allowed to posses, or what my rights [...]

CHARLESTON, South Carolina, January 6, 2012 (WSFB) – Michelle Bachman announced today that she was very disappointed Rick Perry did not also exit the race like he promised her he would. “We had a pact,” she said, referencing an old Seinfeld episode. “I told him I would only exit the race if he did. We [...]

WEST SEATTLE, Washington, December 28, 2011 (WSFB) – The ceding of the space race to Russia has been hard for NASA, but it is proving especially hard for American astronaut Dan Burbank, who hitched a ride on a Russian rocket to the International Space Station. “They’re just being jerks,” remarked a saddened Burbank, speaking from [...]

HOLLYWOOD, California, December 19, 2011 (WSFB) – A new report released by the Associated Press found that every article written in the past year was about James Franco. “The findings speak for themselves,” said Peter Thornton, the lead statistician, “We thought there would be some articles about the Iraq war, the GOP race, or Libya, [...]

WEST SEATTLE, Washington, December 14, 2011 (WSFB) – In a massive sting operation three years in the making, Seattle police raided all 75 of the P-Patches located throughout Seattle. “Today is a great day,” reported police commissioner Bill Frumpton, “No more will amateur gardeners operate in complete defiance of the law.”
The raids came after years [...]

HOLLYWOOD, California, November 21, 2011 (WSFB) - After Brett Ratner resigned from hosting The Academy Awards due to outrage over his alleged anti-gay remarks, AMPAS (the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences) decided to make things simpler by just letting GLAAD (Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation) host the Oscars.
“We could look for another producer [...]

BLAINE, Washington, November 18, 2011 (WSFB) - Bored by the Penn State scandal and the GOP race, the United States leaned over and asked Canada how it was doing. Canada apparently had much to tell the U.S., but was so shocked by the attention that it merely mumbled, “Nothing.”
Canada and the U.S. haven’t spoken for ages, but according to [...]