Dear JT:

I heard that Courtney Love has lost custody of her daughter. I am very dismayed, since I have always modeled my parenting skills after her. Do you think they might come for my child next?

Cool mom

Dear cool,

If you’re doing it right, yeah. Isn’t that the point? These may be the best years of their lives, but certainly not ours. Fading looks. Weight gain. Graying hair and wrinkles. Who wants to grow up and deal with that shit?  We’ve got people to do and places to see. It takes a lot of time and due diligence to be a complete and total fuck up. There’s a whole lot of alcohol to drink, overdoses to have, and careers to waste. Kids are just going to hold you back. Consider this an opportunity to fulfill your destiny of dying young and leaving the world with one less lame ass.

JT

JT will gladly break the news of your abandonment to your children. That’s just how she rolls.  Email her at [email protected]!