JT,

A friend of mine gave me dangling testicles for xmas. Those kind you put on the back of your truck in the tow hitch. Not only that, they’re really shiny chrome. I thought it was kind of funny at the time, but now everyone’s calling me bling balls. It’s starting to get a little annoying, especially when my mom does it. I want to take them off, but I don’t want to hurt my friends feelings. Is there an appropriate way to say dude, thanks for the balls, but no thanks?

BB

Dear BB,

Guys are just plain weird. That’s all there is to it. You give each other genitalia replicas. You have farting and spitting and snot shooting contests. You’ve elevated switching sides to an art form and god forbid you’d get an itch at the same time. Then there’s that whole tube socks everywhere situation. Which, BTW, begs the warning: ladies, don’t do your boyfriends laundry.  Don’t put your hands inside their socks to use as a dust rag. If you must touch them, use tongs.

I don’t even know how half of you managed to get girlfriends. Seriously. I mean, I’m okay with the whole straight people issue. You’ve got to be true to yourself, yada, yada, yada, and if that’s what does it for you who am I to say what’s right or wrong. One thing I will never understand, however, is why do you people live with each other?  I admit, if forced to be straight tomorrow, I have enough alcohol, but you’re not moving in with me. Stinky bathrooms, stinky gym shoes, stinky armpits. And have you noticed if you talk to a guy while they’re peeing their whole body turns, not just their head. I’ve got enough puppy pee to deal with, thank you.

What the fuck where we talking about anyway? Oh, bling balls. Yeah, throw that shit away. Feelings? Please!

JT

Something got your panties all bunged up there, dude?  Send your questions to JT at wtfwjtd@gmail.com!