JT,

How can I contain this large, massage oil spill in Lincoln Park’s Colman pool? It is injuring wildlife, but the birds are really getting off together -so I’m quasi-reluctant to contain the spill. Your thoughts?

Slippery When Wet

Dear SWW,

Yes, I’m sure you are “quasi-reluctant”. As in, when they find out you’re the one who leaked K-Y Intense into the pool during ladies only swim, I imagine you’ll be forced to reluctantly clean it up. I do have to give you props for a pretty original idea. That was brilliant. But wearing a two-piece and laying at the bottom of the pool squeezing your bottle was creepy as shit. Don’t do that again, under any circumstances.

I haven’t quite figured out how you’re injuring wildlife though. Did you add it to the non-funblog’s sunblock and we have to watch the effects? Because that would cause serious, eye-poking, irreparable damage. Cramping and hurling just thinking of it and no amount of bathing with Dawn dishsoap is going to remove that image.

I’m actually starting to get a little up in arms about this whole oil debacle. Well not arms as much as other stuff and junk, which was kind of fun and shit at first, but four hours later and the pool still hasn’t absorbed the spill. Dudes are coming in now and if one more fucktard rubs up against me. My thoughts are, fix this mess and fix it right fucking now. And you can be damn sure I will be co-operating with the ensuing investigation.

JT

Got a nice “junk shot” photo you’d like to send to JT? Wiped the oil off your junk first, then send the pic to WTFWJTD@gmail.com.