Dear WTF,

Is it wrong to think you are falling for your advice columnist? She is abusive and has none of life’s answers, but doesn’t give a shit. What is love anyway? I thought it was lust with an emotional attachment. Am I wrong? Do I need therapy?

Help me, please.

Dear Help,

Here’s what I tell clients when this happens to me: I charge in advance, vodka is on the counter, pull-out couch is over there. If you want someone to give a shit, get a puppy.

And what is this unnatural obsession with love? I understand it in relation to one’s own children. Something has to keep us from killing them. But just for the hell of it? Turns us into nothing but pathetic sociopaths. Jealous, needy, possessive. Who needs that’s shit outside of  a controlled environment with a safe word?

With regards to friends and relationships, only one thing matters, do I like you? And that would be an unequivocal no! So get the fuck away from me until our next appointment.

JT

Don’t bother emailing JT at WTFWJTD@gmail.com. She just doesn’t care. She’s only in it for the vodka and prescription meds.