Dear JT,

I recently hired a new secretary. I guess “Administrative Assistant” is the politically correct word these days. It has been quite a while since I’ve hired a new employee, and I know a lot has changed in the modern workforce, especially for dames. I am uncertain about etiquette and best practices in bringing a new skirt on board. My question is this: should the oral sex start on the first day or should I wait until she becomes eligible for medical benefits?”

anonymous

Dear anonymous,

You provide medical benefits? What a stand up guy. America needs more men like you, that’s for god damned sure. Not only do you denigrate women in the workforce and apparently still live in the 1950’s, but you take responsibility for your all around douchebaggery. How many people, let alone employers, do that any more? I remember my first workplace disease. It was so embarrassing. I can’t tell you how stupid I felt holding a bake sale and raffle to pay for the weekly shots. Like anyone was interested in my cupcakes. Well, there was this one guy, but I swear, he would eat anything. I’m just so thrilled that through my experience, and those of countless other women who have gone before me, the workplace has become a safer place. Oh, and by the way, you’re a fucking dick.

JT